Beginner's Mind

Make a Joyful Noise

2010-06-13T17:26:00.000-04:00

Loving the World Cup matches, but not these.

It's fun...

2010-05-24T00:06:00.002-04:00

when you fall asleep at your computer desk. I think I accidentally sent several pages of nothing but the letter (b) to Condoleezza Wright. Now I'm afraid she won't read it because it's too long.

Night night everybody.

- Robert, the sleeping typist.

Bon Ape-tit

2010-05-23T23:42:00.003-04:00

Yes, the title is a joke. Wanna see something better I picked up from one of Karen's blogs she follows? The little girl is probably 9 to 12 months old, but speaks very eloquently.

Almost done

2010-05-20T20:23:00.002-04:00

The weatherization folks are almost done. It was a warm day today and the house stayed cool, a good sign.

Hope y'all are following my music blog, Theme and Variations, that I write with Mike.

Music in my head: "A Change Would Do You Good," Sheryl Crow

New Song

2010-05-19T20:20:00.003-04:00

This evening, during our going-to-bed ritual, Ethan and I made up the words to a new song. The music is based on a familiar Mozart work (which was, in turn, based on a naughty French song), sometimes referred to as "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star."

The lyrics are simple, and you know the tune:

Hics and hurps and slips and slurps
Ethan's got the hiccup burps.
Hiccups here and hiccups there;
Hiccups flying in the air!
Hics and hurps and slips and slurps
Ethan's got the hiccup burps.

Music in my head: I bet you can guess...

Monks and Chinese Government

2010-04-16T22:17:00.001-04:00

Interesting story.

Note the end of the story:

Makeshift rescue teams of monks and fellow Tibetans said they would work until there was no one left to save.

"We wanted to help people and save lives," said Dengzeng Luosang, a monk from neighboring Sichuan province, as his crew pushed at a section of wall with wooden beams and yanked away a chunk of concrete with ropes.

Nearby, a dozen government rescue workers probed the debris with video cameras and heat sensors.

Both teams, one Tibetan and one largely Han Chinese, were likely to spend another cold night sleeping on a bus or in a tent after yet another meal of instant noodles.

"It doesn't matter if it is Han or Tibetan," Dengzeng said, wearing cotton work gloves and a simple face mask. "Life is precious."

Summer Reading Project

2010-04-09T23:03:00.003-04:00

Past readers of this blog will recall that I usually have some sort of "Summer Reading Project" that I talk and think about, then begin reading - in October. So, this year, I'm starting in April. There's little danger that I will finish it before the spring is over (or summer, for that matter), as it is ambitious, but by no means impossible.

The way it will work is as follows: I will iterate a cycle of three books in the following order: (is it grammatically correct to have a : after a previous : in the same sentence?) 1. A science book, 2. A book by Archer Mayor, 3. A dharma book (a book on or about Buddhism). At my discretion, I might make an occasional four book cycle, which will make the fourth book: 4. Another book by Archer Mayor. So, let me explain my selections.

1. A Science book. I place this one first because I am currently in the middle of a great book entitled Complexity: A Guided Tour by Melanie Mitchell. While a trip of a thousand miles begins with a single step, so what if you start the trip a step ahead? What, do I have to go back to the beginning? Anyway, it's my project and I'll start it the way I wish.

Lined up behind this book are additional books on chaos theory, plus a few Richard Dawkins' tomes I have not yet read, and a number of other goodies, many related to neurology and brain stuff.

2,4. An Archer Mayor book. Archer Mayor is a Vermont author of who-done-it mystery novels involving his sleuth Joe Gunther. I've met the man, and he's a wonderful story teller. Peruse his site for more. I've read the first seven or eight or so, but it's been years and I've forgotten who-did-it.

3. A Dharma book. Oh boy, I have a lot of these from which to choose, including books by Thich Nhat Hahn, H.H. the Dalai Lama, and other great teachers. Some are straight dharma (teaching) books, some are history books, some might best be called "self-help" books which use Buddhist techniques. I use to read these at a pretty steady rate, but have drifted away from them. Unless something happens, I'll probably re-read Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryu Suzuki as my first choice.

Any recommendations would be appreciated, but one of the main reasons for choosing this project as it will help me focus on reading what I already own and haven't read, and thus allowing me to stay away from book stores and save some money. There is little danger I will run out of things to read if I just stick to my home library.

It's pushing on towards midnight, so I think I'll go to bed and get started. It will only amount to a page or two ('cuz I'm tired and sleepy), but the trip of nine hundred and ninety-nine steps begins with a few pages.

Music in my mind A jumble of things heard over the day, mental leftovers from a long day.

Happy...

2010-03-17T13:30:00.001-04:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone! Don't forget to wear green, or you risk getting pinched!

Hold On!

2010-03-06T21:40:00.001-05:00

I'll be posting here soon, I promise! In the meantime, check out my other blog, Theme and Variations.

Egyptian Contribution

2010-02-18T19:43:00.002-05:00

I learned today of an instrument called a sistrum. The context can be found in my music blog, Theme and Variations. You can never know what kinds of stuff you can learn on the internet.

Secret of Success

2010-01-12T07:57:00.001-05:00

I have found that the greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It is the ultimate source of success in life.

- H.H. 14th Dalai Lama

Wheee!

2010-01-10T15:54:00.003-05:00

On the advise of a physical therapist, we got a Wii game console for Ethan, and have collected a few of the games that are appropriate for his age. What he needs is better lower body coordination, but so far we haven't been able to get him on the board. He's pretty good, though, with his hands, and likes to play the sword games in the Wii Resort set. He has pretty much one move, which is a downward slice, but he does it so fast that the little Miis he is playing never get much of a chance to hit him back. So, he's pretty good at that.

At first, he didn't want to have anything to do with it, and just watched Mommy and Daddy play. But, something clicked, and now he likes to play the games himself.

But we need to get him on the Wii Fit board. I think if he sees his parents playing on it, he will too.

In the meantime, I'm putting all the knives where he can't reach them.

Music in my head:Where or When, Diana Krall

New Year's Resolutions for 2010

2009-12-31T17:57:00.004-05:00

First of all, let me start by explaining that 2010 is NOT the first year of a new decade. It is the LAST year of an old decade. So, we have to get through at least one more year of the worst decade since the 1930's. There was no year 0, so the first decade was the ten years of 1 to 10. So, first year of a decade always ends in a 1, and the last year of a decade ends in a 0. Don't blame me for the confusion - blame Pope Gregory XIII. An explanation can be found here (Warning - this linked page uses math).

So, here are my resolutions for 2010:

1. Lose weight. I am around 40 pounds heavier now than I was a year ago. Around June 1st I was still close enough to 200 that I vowed to reach that weight by Ethan's birthday (September 2nd). I failed. So, eat less, exercise more, eat smarter. (This is probably the number 1 resolution made in the US).

2. Complete a meds holiday. The medications I use to control headaches get less effective over time, so I have to take larger and larger doses. To counter that, I have to take medication holidays (funny word, that - it's no holiday) so that my body adjusts to a lower amount. This will probably take me through March.

3. Blog more. I have been blogging at about the rate I planned for Theme & Variations, but I've let this one slide. So, I gotta write more, and get more readers.

4. Sit more. My meditation practice has essentially stopped. I've got to get back to the cushions. I should probably do some of this at the Shambhala Center, as meditation is always better in a group.

5. Spend more time with Ethan. #2 makes that difficult, but I'll do what I can.

Looks pretty good, nothing too outrageous. Wish me luck!

Music in my head:, oddly, Speedball Tucker, by Jim Croce. Go figure.

PBS to Run Show on Meditation

2009-12-09T07:17:00.001-05:00

Check it out on YouTube.

WEEKLY WORDS OF WISDOM on the World Wide Web chosen by Lama Surya Das

2009-09-28T10:32:00.000-04:00

If there is anything I have learned about men & women, it is that there is a deeper spirit of altruism than is ever evident. Just as the rivers we see are minor compared to the underground streams, so, too, the idealism that is visible is minor compared to what people carry in their hearts unreleased or scarcely released. (Hu)mankind is waiting and longing for those who can accomplish the task of untying what is knotted, and bringing these underground waters to the surface.

--Albert Schweitzer

Inspired

2009-09-08T17:04:00.003-04:00

While running errands this afternoon I listened to a live recording of Leonard Cohen performing in London. He is one of the greatest lyric/poetic writers of all time. And, as so often happens when I listen to him, or read him, I get inspired to write poetry, something I haven't done in too long a time.

What I need are subjects. Please go over to my Facebook page and suggest two potential subjects. The only rules are (1) No subjects that deal with politics/government, and (2) There must be two subjects suggested; why will become clear later. In return, I will compose a poem using those subjects. Current wives and ex-girlfriends get their poems first, just because I like gals more than I do guys.

Music in my head: I'm Your Man, Leonard Cohen

P.S. If you don't have and/or don't want a Facebook account, leave subject ideas in blog comments.

A Cowboy Church

2009-08-12T22:47:00.003-04:00

Didn't know that such things existed, but I learned recently that a high school friend and her husband have started a Cowboy Church. It's on a Farm-to-Market road, no less.

Not being either of the faith nor anywhere near the vicinity, I doubt I'll mosey in anytime soon.

I wonder if a Cowboy Temple would work; leave your boots and guns at the front door, occasional vegan barbecues, pearl snaps on the robes.

We already have a Zen Cowboy, so, who knows?

Music in my head: The theme song from the PBS kids program Martha Speaks.

Wow. So Much Has Changed

2009-08-01T05:43:00.001-04:00

I've spent a little time getting re-acquainted with the blogosphere, there have been lots of changes. I've got to update my links. Hopefully I won't wait until another bout of insomnia pushes me towards the computer.

Caught On Film (err CCD)

2009-08-01T04:47:00.001-04:00

The Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter took some neat pictures of Apollo landing sites. Even bootprints!

Hmmm...

2009-07-31T17:51:00.002-04:00

Why does Debtors Anonymous sell products on their home page?

At least they don't take credit cards.

Music in my head:Time and Tide, Basia

No Arias? No Thanks!

2009-07-25T18:16:00.002-04:00

I just spent a bit over an hour listening/watching Richard Strauss' opera Capriccio. There isn't a single aria in the whole thing...or, at least not in the first half, anyway.

I've enjoyed Strauss operas before, such as Die Fleidermaus, and my favorite of his, Salome, but this one left me cold (on a hot day, no less!). There were a few laughs, and Kiri Te Kanawa as well, but it couldn't save it for me. I need arias to keep me interested.

Should be a good one tomorrow afternoon on PBS. Guess I'll just have to wait awhile.

Music in my head: Nothing coherent, I'm afraid.

Facebook

2009-07-19T19:23:00.003-04:00

I'm partially on Facebook now. I still need to post some photos. What a strange little service. It kinda resembles Twitter; you gather together a list of friends, and post a few sentences during the day about the minutiae of your life. One thing it has done for me is put me in touch with people from high school, though I think some of them thought they were getting someone else (sorry, folks!).

Not on the same subject at all, THIS comes as no surprise.

I'm gonna start blogging again. Thanks to the half dozen or so of you who have kept checking for new posts. I have been posting to the music blog every so often, which seems to be getting more traffic than I would expect.

Music in my head: The Lark Ascending , by composer Ralph Vaughan Williams.

Nanci Wants Us to Remember

2009-06-14T17:12:00.003-04:00

Nanci Griffith ends her writer's block with her new album, as she explains here. The title song is about Mildred and Richard Loving, an interracial couple who married in 1958 and got thrown in jail because of it. The supreme court threw out their conviction and overturned the Virginia law that forbade interracial marriage. Mildred passed away in 2008.

With all of the different styles of music she has written and recorded (including with the London Symphony Orchestra) it's neat to know she can still write a real folk song.

This brings me to mind the case of Holly Puterbaugh and Lois Farnam, who, along with two other couples, filed suit in Vermont court for the right to be married. The Vermont Supreme Court sided with them, but DID NOT legislate from the bench. Instead, the court turned the case over to the legislature and said, "Solve this, or we will." The result was the nation's first civil union statute, which has been copied in a few other states. This year, the Vermont legislature abolished civil unions and instituted gay marriage, even overturning Governor Douglas's veto.

It just so happen that Karen and I have met Holly and Lois, on a cruise on Lake Champlain put on by a cruise company. This was the year after we had taken a two week cruise to Alaska, and we brought our picture book along to show the folks. Holly and Lois decided to take the same cruise we did.

In any event, I was very excited to meet them. To me, they represent the spirit of Rosa Parks, combating an unjust law based on bad Biblical interpretation. They are a wonderful pair, not the kind of fire-breathing instigators of anarchy we expect to see in people on the frontiers of civil rights.

Nanci's CD can be found here, along with a video of the title song. Way to go, Nanci Griffith!

Buried

2009-04-18T13:57:00.003-04:00

Gosh, so much has been happening, whether I will it or not, and I just can't get the energy to write. Please read Theme and Variations when you can as that's where I've been writing lately - though, admittedly, not my best. To dash off some quick stuff:

Karen and I watched teary-eyed as Barack Obama was sworn in. We watched coverage by CBS, I think, and the best moment that summed it up occurred when the network interview and largish, middle-aged black woman, wrapped up against the cold and carrying flags, signs, and what not. When she was asked, how did the moment make her feel, she raised her flag up in the air and replied, "I'M HAPPY!"

I was also thrilled to see Gabriela Montero was part of the music quartet that played.

Ethan has gotten his first bicycle.

I finally got out of the neck brace and the implant is working well to stop pain from the back of my temples to to the back of my head, down my neck, and into my shoulders. I now struggle with pain behind and around the eyes and temples. I consider it a great step and one which has returned a degree of worthwhile existence to my life.

I wish I was like Beethoven, who turned his darkest times into great creations, but there can be only one Beethoven. Speaking of music, when you have an hour of time and wanna see a fun presentation on music, check this out.

Music in my head: For about a week now I've had the Meditation from Massenet's opera Thais playing in my head. I hope you like it.

Invisible

2009-01-15T17:28:00.000-05:00

This isn't why you haven't seen anything from me lately.

Lost a Neighbor

2008-10-15T00:55:00.002-04:00

We learned today that our neighbors' dog Dee-Dee died last week. They seem to be taking it pretty hard. Our dog Kane used to sneak over to their house when Dee-Dee was out. He'd head to the back of the yard and take a longcut path to their house. Dee-Dee would do the same. Why they just don't run straight across through the few trees between our houses I doubt I ever understand. They certainly came home that way, knowing they were in trouble.

Last month I began a taper on the pain meds, to take a "holiday" for a few weeks to let my tolerance lower. This will allow me to use the same amount of drug as I have been using. The other choice would be to go through a higher dose, but eventually I'd have to do this, so the current level seems a good place to start.

But, it's rough. Though not going "cold turkey", I still get the sweats and chills and upset stomach. And then, of course, there's the headaches without any real way to stop them. Sure makes me appreciate when the meds do work! On top of all this, I've got muscle aches, mostly in my lower back and hips. I have a few meds to help with the taper, but still I spend a lot of time hiding in the bedroom, which thermal curtains that block most of the light from outside. It isn't perfect darkness, but it's enough that closing my eyes, or using an eyebag, blocks out the tiny bits of light still getting through.

When I can, I try to spend as much time with Ethan as I can. He doesn't understand my need to lie down, and gets frustrated when I can't do things with him. So, I try to get in at least some time everyday with him.

Today I was slightly early for a doctor's appointment, so I meditated in the chair in the waiting room. I invoked the relaxation response, and it felt good, even if it was only a few minutes. When the doc came to get me, she commented, "Getting in a little doze?"

"No, I was meditating."

"Oh, that's a good thing to do. How often to you do that?"

"Anytime I find myself waiting, whatever it is (except while driving) I take the time to meditate."

This particular doctor teaches a seminar in mindfulness stress reduction, so she knows what I mean.

I've been reading Barak Obama's book Dreams of my Father, which was written before he was a U.S. senator. For the first time in a long time, I believe I will be casting my vote for him (as opposed to casting a vote against someone). He has a unique set of skills, and experience with a wide range of people, that I think he will make an excellent president. It's too bad that Republican followers are running smear campaigns. Negative selling is such a turn-off. If your campaign is based on showing the other guy's/gal's so-called shadowy background, it makes me wonder what you plan to offer in return.

I don't like to think about politics late at night, it keeps me awake, so I think I'll stop.

Music in my head: Call Me, Blondie

For September

2008-09-15T10:44:00.003-04:00

OK, so half of the month is gone, but I've finally changed the calendar, to find the following:

Birth and death don't affect you;
You are free to go or to stay.

You needn't seek wonders,
For wonders come of themselves.
-Linji

To Blog or Not to Blog

2008-09-14T21:53:00.003-04:00

I've been a long time away from the blog, partly because my main computer's main disk drive is running in a semi-comatose state (meaning I have about three minutes to save something after starting it up before it starts making clanging sounds and freezes up - and of those three minutes, about one and a half of those is spent booting up in safe mode). But a nice new system (with Vista, sadly...as a long-time Miscrosoft hater, I have to admit that XP worked pretty well; perhaps I'll finally get Vista to look/work enough like XP that I'll be content). The new system is made by Gateway (because I'm tired on talking to the Dell India Division of Customer Support - don't get me wrong, I have a high respect for much of India as a country and a culture, but the people Dell hired were nowhere near as talented as the folks that used to work in Austin). The system is a quad-core system with a screaming AMD Phenom, with a 64-bit architecture (which makes drivers for peripherals kinda hard to get) and a handful of other niceties that, together, are astounding, considering the price I paid for it.

As for getting an Apple, I actually have an Apple iMac sitting in a box in my hallway, but the desk for it is covered with the type of clutter that can't be just tossed in the trash or stashed in the basement (i.e. it belongs to Karen).

I'd be lying, though, if I was to blame the lack of blogging on system problems (well, computer system problems). For the most part, (1) I haven't had anything to say worthy of writing, and (2) I haven't had the energy, physically or spiritually, to sit down and compose entries. A long talk with Mike has sort of lit a fire (well, maybe a small flame) to write, and I kinda feel like writing again. (BTW Mike, thanks for being such a good listener - I feel like I hogged most of the phone time).

In my defense, I have been adding entries to my other blog, Theme and Variations, as I go through my classical music collection in order, and write my very amateur comments.

But I find myself with a muse hanging over my right shoulder, with whiskey on her breath and very hung-over (and I haven't a clue what that is all about).

When Microsoft Must Compete...

2008-07-28T14:54:00.000-04:00

...they lose.

Surgery Done

2008-04-06T17:18:00.003-04:00

The implant was, well, implanted (at least, the probes were) on Thursday. It seems to be working quite well, if you disregard the time the leads slipped out (probably my fault). This was easily fixed. More later, I'm just so tired at the moment. Mostly I lay listening to music, or lectures, and enjoy being without pain, even if I do have a bit of a buzz in the back of my head.

By Request

2008-04-06T17:11:00.000-04:00

The Dalai Lama and the Olympics, as requested in the comments.

Bob the Borg

2008-03-29T16:49:00.004-04:00

Having been enraptured with computers from a very early age (well, teen years, anyway) it was only a matter of time before I joined with one, to be part machine, part human.

Having tried all sorts of scientific and not-so-scientific methods to deal with daily migraines, my next attempt will involve the installation of a neural stimulator on the occipital nerve at the back of my head. Since this is the nerve which passes pain signals from most of the areas where I get pain, the logic is if we can interrupt that signal (by providing a blocking signal of some sort), the signal won't get to my brain and thus I won't feel the headache.

To see if this will be effective, I'll have the implant temporarily installed for about two weeks, with the unit itself external, with the wires going into the back of my head. If this proves to be beneficial, then we'll (I'll explain "we" in a moment) consider a permanent (sort-of) install, with the unit embedded either in my shoulder or my butt.

I say "we" because this is a decision to be made by me along with a pair of specialists at Dartmouth, and of course with Karen (and Ethan, by proxy).

Back in November we tried an experiment to see if a trial would even be worthwhile. On two separate occasions I had occipital nerve blocks, and both times they stopped the headache (though I got a wicked rebound). The nerve block involved injecting the nerve area with some "something-caine", which in itself meant driving a needle through various layers of cartilage and muscle until we got to the target area. It was weird; in my ears it sounded like someone crunching a potato chip back inside my neck. It didn't hurt for long, of course, as the local did its job well.

I'm trying really, really hard to remain objective about the procedure, and not get carried away with plans and hopes and what-ifs. Since this is surgery, after all, it would be easy to be super optimistic that this, finally, will be an answer I can live with. It isn't that I'm pessimistic; I'm just cautiously optimistic. I've been through too many sure-fire procedures to put all my hope eggs into yet another medical basket.

On a recent trip to Tennessee, I bought a cap with a cover for the back of the head and neck so people don't need to get freaked out by wires coming out of my head. But I'll probably take pictures, as a few folks have requested them, and if they aren't too gross I'll post them.

The implant does NOT run Windows, which is good; the Blue Screen of Death would have a whole new meaning should my implant crash.

Anyway, stay tuned.

Music in my head:One of the Goyescas of Enrique Granados.

This Is Just Sad

2008-03-15T15:46:00.002-04:00

He who controls the media controls the heart of the people. Check this out. Blogs aren't the answer, I'm afraid.

(Yes, it has been awhile, but my muse has phoned in to tell me the sabbatical is almost over. About time, too.)

Three's A Charm?

2007-10-29T22:35:00.000-04:00

OK, I've signed up once again for NaNoWriMo. I've got an idea for the novel that will keep it, well, novel for me as a writer. Stay tuned, we'll see how far I get this year. Looks like things start on Thursday.

Don't know what I'm talking about? Click the link (the big image on the right-hand column to find out. Drop me a note, or a comment, if you decide to try it yourself!

Music in my head: Closer Still, Tish Hinojosa

Make This The Next Film You See

2007-09-05T15:09:00.000-04:00

I'm kinda speechless (as those of you who have been checking for new posts already know). I just watched Genghis Blues.

Wow. I wish I could type in a very deep voice. Wow.

Music in my headJet Airliner, Steve Miller, as well as Paul Pena (who wrote it).

Came Across This Today

2007-06-05T19:59:00.000-04:00

I read this in the intro to a book on Sufism, and it is just too good not to share. Perhaps Osama bin Ladin should be reminded of it...

My heart has become capable of every form:
It is a pasture for gazelles,
And a monastery for Christian monks,
And a temple for idols,
And the pilgrim's Ka'ba,
And the tablets of the Torah,
And the Book of the Qur'an.
I follow the religion of Love:
Whatever way Love's camel takes,
That is my religion and my faith.

-Ibn Arabi, Sufi Master
Now that I read it again, may I be reminded of it everyday, as well.

Darkness Falls on the Castle

2007-04-01T20:24:00.000-04:00

The evil pile of dirty dishes in the kitchen sink have been vanquished and send to the dishwasher, which is good because the castle was getting low on coffee mugs and teaspoons.

The dreaded snow of tattered tissue has been shovelled off the hallway floor and banished to the waste bin.

As the King makes his rounds of the castle, turning off unneeded lights
and other electrical vassals, he ponders his recent experiences with
the Royal Healers. There is a slit in the small of his back where the
Royal Healers plied their magical trade, and now it is done and only
the bandages remain. The Queen has informed the King that the operation site is healing nicely, and bandages will not be needed much longer. In any event, the terrible pain in the King's left leg has almost disappeared, though it flairs up now and again. The Royal Healers assure him this is a sign of healing.

The terrible headaches,which had disappeared with the arrival of the leg pain, have begun again, off and on, for the King. He's not sure what to make of that.

The sun has gone down, it is dark outside. The King reminds himself to take a look at the night sky sky before he goes to bed. Perhaps he will be rewarded with a clear, starry sky for his diligence.

He passes the quarters of the Prince. He will be 19 months old tomorrow. Lately, he has been under the care of the Royal Healers for an ear infection, that has spread to both ears. The Prince does not understand why the King doesn't pick him up anymore. It's difficult to explain to a toddler restrictions on lifting anything over five pounds when you have had back surgery. It looks like he has turned the corner this afternoon, however, and the King and Prince spent the evening playing with blocks.

But now the Prince sleeps, awakened occasionally but an errant cough or sneeze. He is a brave little boy, and the King is most pleased with his first-born.

When the King passes his own chambers, he sees in the soft glow of a covered light that the Queen has fallen asleep already. She, too, has been under the care of the Royal Healers for some sort vile possession. It has taken the Healers many attempts to rid Her Highness of the demon, but when her terrible cough began to produce blood, it was a sign to them. They has given her some sort of pill elixir thingy (a Royal term), and we will see in the morning how effective it will be.

It has been a difficult week, and the Royal Coffers will be coughing up
lots of the gold, what little is left after so many years of infirmity of the King. Ah well, one thing at a time, he thinks to himself.

He writes a post to inform the kingdom of the condition of the Royal Family. As he drops his pen, and lumbers off to bed, he stops for a moment, just to listen to the breathing of the sleeping Queen and Prince. There's something about being the last one to bed, to oversee the security of the keep. Then he remembers the night sky, and uses the last of his ration of daily energy to check the night sky.

Epilog:The King notices that his post gets horribly misaligned after using the spell checker. With a sigh, he will have to order the execution of yet another of the Kingdom's lousy programmers.

Breakfast Cereal Body Parts

2007-03-18T19:27:00.000-04:00

Well, and I said earlier, I have some discs in my spine that look like soggy Cheerios. Tomorrow morning (Monday the 19th) I will have surgery to get it fixed. Though I will be sleeping through the process, the surgeon estimates the procedure will take about two hours. Then I'll have a couple of hours in the recovery room. Then I go home.

Yup, that's right outpatient surgery to rebuild part of a spine!

Then I have three weeks of lots of rest. But it may take awhile before I get back on this box to tell you how it goes (it will take a few days at least).

Remember, my headaches have mostly disappeared while I've have this problem. Perhaps they still won't come back after the surgery.

So, I would be most grateful if you could mention me in your prayers, or dedicate some time to me during your tonglen. Thanks in advance!

Technical Difficulties (note the plural use of the second word)

2007-03-13T10:39:00.000-04:00

After playing merry-go-round with Blogger/Google, and combatting the evil Bill Gates and his software, I'm finally able to fill you in on why I haven't been around. Most of you know I've had problems with migraines. Now I seem to be having spinal problems. For those of you who understand anatomy, the discs in my lumbar region have turned to soggy Cheerios, and the first sacral disc has decided to join in.

To make a long story short, it is very painful for me to sit for very long. I can stand for a longer time, can get around with a cane, and if I prop the proper parts of my body I can lay down.

As you can guess, this has wrecked my tennis game ("Another ace! Whoo-hooo!").

So if I'm slow in answering e-mail, sorry, please be patient with me.

Unscathed

2007-01-08T12:53:00.000-05:00

Today I won the TPM Medal of Honour from The Philosopher's Magazine online site. To quote them:

Battleground Analysis
Congratulations!

You have been awarded the TPM medal of honour! This is our highest award for outstanding service on the intellectual battleground.

The fact that you progressed through this activity neither being hit nor biting a bullet suggests that your beliefs about God are internally consistent and very well thought out.

A direct hit would have occurred had you answered in a way that implied a logical contradiction. You would have bitten bullets had you responded in ways that required that you held views that most people would have found strange, incredible or unpalatable. However, you avoided both these fates - and in doing so qualify for our highest award. A fine achievement!

You can check out their games at their Games and Interactive Activities page. I won the above award playing the "Battleground God" game (after playing the "Do-It-Yourself Deity" game, as directed). I'd love to know (via comments) how well you do.

I've Been Tagged

2006-12-23T09:42:00.000-05:00

My soon-to-be-former best friend (just kidding!) Mike tagged me with a Christmas meme, three things I want for Christmas, and three things I don't want. So, here goes...

I want...

Snow on Christmas. Not so much for myself, but for Karen and all the folks up here who love a white Christmas (even including the ski folks).

America to wake up to the fact that Arabs are pretty neat people, that they all are not terrorists, and they hate the violence of terrorism as much as we do.

And finally, something for me...I'd like to have Christmas, and the weekend before it, to be headache free.

What I don't want...

A box of Fruit Loops from my mother-in-law. (It's an inside joke.)

Any auto accidents this holiday season.

Heartburn from eating too many Christmas goodies.

Now, to pass the meme along, I know she's done some already, but she seems to like them, so I tag Keri at Still Running for a Reason.

Music in my head: Baby It's Cold Outside, James Taylor

Ah Ha! Competence!

2006-12-16T12:18:00.000-05:00

I wonder if our president has seen this? It's at a level even he can understand.

Southbound

2006-10-04T10:58:00.000-04:00

It's autumn in northern New England. As we have our own personal "signs of spring" (for me it is the return of the red-wing blackbirds), we also have our signs of fall. The most obvious signs, of course, are the changing of the leaves. The trees stop producing chlorophyll, and the underlying colors appear. But this is a too-obvious indicator; after living here almost 15 years, it's smaller things which shift me into an autumnal mood.

The first sign I notice is the sound of geese flying overhead, on their way to their wintering grounds. I hear them much more often than I see them. On a cloudy day, they are way up in the clouds. Sometimes they fly at night. It's a wonderful sound, and though it means winter is not far off, I never get tired of it.

Another sign is the migration of Monarch butterflies. Watching them flutter and glide, I have a hard time imagining the fragile creatures flying all the way to Mexico. That they find their way is even more impressive. Perhaps when you only need to know one direction, you get pretty good at it.

This morning, sitting on the back deck with a cold drink, I heard geese and saw three or four Monarchs southbound over the trees. The big red maple, as well as the big silver maple, has grown so much there isn't much in the way of sky showing. In my little window between the trees, there were some butterflies, just skimming over the treetops. In open areas I've seen them by the dozens at one time.

But as much as the appearance of those two creatures are a prelude to autumn, it's the wooly bears that finally provide the irrefutable evidence that summer is over. These are caterpillars that are large and black with brown middles. Supposedly, the size of the brown middle predicts how bad the winter will be, though I've not found much in the way of correlation. In any event, as the days get shorter and cooler, the wooly bears get on the move, looking for places to hibernate. If you drive anywhere, you'll see them crossing the road. I've found them at the bottom of wood piles, as well as tucked away here and there in cracks (ladybugs also come out, and they are simply everywhere; where they've been all summer, I don't know, but they crawl all over the house in late fall).

Well, I haven't seen any wooly bears yet. The apple trees are green and loaded with apples. The big silver maple is still green. The big red maple, usually a holdout, has started to change into its namesake color. Hunting season has started. Baseball playoffs have begun. Saturday college football is in full swing. It's a dynamic season. The constellation Orion can be seen in the late night/early morning hours, running away from and staying on the opposite side of Scorpio, the summer constellation. According to legend, Orion was bitten by a scorpion, hence he stays away from the summer night.

Oh, and another sign is pumpkins. They start showing up in yards. A small one has appeared on our front porch, and I can only guess how it got there. Pretty soon we will have our first frost, and all the pumpkins hiding under foliage will be revealed as the vines will wither away and disappear. Just like the Monarchs heading south in the sky above them, they add some orange color to the New England landscape.

Music in my head: Autumn Leaves, Nat King Cole

Just What I Need...

2006-09-28T20:37:00.000-04:00

...another reason to sit glued to my computer screen.

Music in my head: You Can Leave Your Hat On, Randy Newman

American Buddhism On The Rise

2006-09-17T07:02:00.000-04:00

Here's an interesting article on the growth of Buddhism in the U.S. It is the fourth largest religion in America. Check it out!

Music in my head: Taking It To The Streets, The Doobie Brothers

Well, Yeah, But...

2006-09-07T00:45:00.000-04:00

I've been away from the blogosphere and the Blongha for a long time, and I have to confess I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for the insomnia.

While Ethan is just getting over it, Karen and I both have the adult version of his cold. I find regions of my body shivering from cold, and other parts dripping with sweat from the heat. Egads, I hate this stuff. But, despite downing cold medicine AND over-the-counter sleep aids (which are just antihistamines, anyway) AND everything else which has a WARNING: May Cause Drowsiness label, I am tired beyond imagination, but not sleepy enough to fall asleep. This makes it two nights in a row.

So I've read a few blogs, trying to keep up with at least the ones who write good but short entries (because I'm hopeful I will drop off at any moment), and if I haven't gotten to yours, I'm sorry, I will try to.

Apparently not everyone does this, but my eyes tear when I yawn. I've been asked if I was alright numerous times, and was once asked if I was sweating. Nope, just yawning. Which, by the way, I am doing right now, so the letters on the keyboard are swimming before me (way to go spell checker!).

By the top of the eighth inning of the Yankees-Royals game, it was clear that Randy Johnson was not going to get a third no-hitter, and that, except for a not impossible complete breakdown of the bullpen, the Yankees were going to win. I found it hard to stay awake. I turned off TV and lights and...just laid there in bed, not sleeping. In fact, the longer I stayed there, the more awake I became.

So, yeah, I'm blogging more, but it's only because I can't sleep.

Maybe, though, just maybe now...

(Would you believe Blogger's spell check does not know the words blogs, blogging, or antihistamine?)

A Year of Revelations

2006-09-06T03:07:00.000-04:00

This last Saturday my son Ethan had his first birthday. Yes, the time has seemed to fly. Someone told Karen that, with having children, "The days are long, but the years are short." This last year has surely been an example of that.

Because we are a two spiritual-tradition family, we've held off on doing any kind of christening. Karen wanted my Buddhist practice to be represented at any such ceremony. I asked around, and did some research, but apparently there isn't such a thing in Buddhism. Typically, one becomes a Buddhist by Taking Refuge and/or the Precepts, which requires that the person know what they are doing. There doesn't seem to be a Shambhala ceremony for a birth, either. In some Buddhist countries monks may do a ceremony just before the birth, and I did find reference to one after the birth, but this seemed more cultural than spiritual, if you can actually separate the two in those countries.

So, I decided to just do something somewhat universal. I read a passage from Thich Nhat Hanh's The Miracle of Mindfulness (the story written by Tolstoy, about the emperor and his three questions), and asked everyone to read and recite (three times) the following version of the Four Immeasurables:

May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness.
May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
May all beings rejoice in the well-being of others.
May all beings live in peace, free from greed and hatred.

Now, I'm no Buddhist priest, but this seemed to fit the bill (except I guess the story went on a bit too long, even though I shortened it).

Karen's father Ralph is an ordained minister, so he did the christening, naming our friends Larry and Sandy Rouse as his godparents. We were all thrilled that they agreed to take on this role.

After this, both Ethan and I needed a nap, so we snuck downstairs (all this happening at my in-laws' newly renovated home) for forty winks. When we emerged, the birthday party was in full swing. Cakes were produced, ready to be cut and plated. Dozens of people had arrived, all bearing presents, and we had a great time. After opening presents (y'all were very generous!), we visited. Taylor K. entertained us all by inhaling helium and singing City of New Orleans, Ethan's favorite song. Taylor K. was happy to meet Taylor G.; apparently there aren't too many male Taylors in the world (I did not know that).

Last week Ethan had a nasty cold, and we were afraid he would be too ill to enjoy the party. But the cold cleared up (Karen and I now have it). My parents, aunt and uncle had made the drive up here, but I was too sick to visit with them, which I really regret.

But: the last year? There is something about being a parent that causes me to come face to face with psychological issues I thought I'd resolved, or just ignored. I won't bare my soul here (I just don't have the personal revelatory skills some people have), but I will say that some issues with chronic pain are better at hiding than they are at being resolved.

Without question, though, I can say that Ethan has brought so much joy to our home it is beyond qualitating. As he develops bit by bit, you want to say, "OK, this is how I want you to stay." Then, he'll learn some new skill (as simple as it may be), and you say, "OK, this is how I want you to stay."

For example, I don't think Ethan is going to crawl, at least not in the most recognizable way. But he has developed a way of getting about: He butt-scoots. Sitting on his hind-end, with one leg forward and one leg beneath, he pushes with the leg under him, while pulling himself forward with one arm. He used to use both arms to pull, but now one hand is usually holding something, and there's a very good chance he is bringing that something to you.

While Kane has had an on-and-off (mostly off) relationship with Ethan (though, luckily, he is a very patient dog), he is not too happy about our son's new ambulatory skills. In some ways, it is almost like one of those bad horror movies, where a person is slowly, painfully being followed by some sort of beastie, and the nubile heroine has to escape once again. Ethan seems to love Kane, and will follow him around at times. Kane mostly just wants to get away.

I suspect that attitude will change, when Ethan is old enough to be Kane's boy. Then they will run and play in the woods, two happy nature lovers.

And that's another thing about Ethan: he seems to be fascinated by living things. He is always wanting to touch leaves of plants. He never seems to get tired of it (I get tired holding him up to a tree limb long before he tires of fondling the foliage). One of the first things we have tried to teach him is to be "gentle." He seems to be getting the idea. When he gets rough with something (or someone), he is told "gentle," and if he persists, he gets taken away.

Then, there are the anxieties. If he is asleep in his room, I seem to hear him gagging and choking on something, which has me flying into his room, to find him sleeping peacefully. I can't tell you how many times that has happened, but it always gets me and my heart racing. I always fall for it.

It's been a year of growth for all of us. I am sometimes amazed at just how much I love our son, and how that started at first sight. The sudden, unconditional aspect of it just can't be expressed. I know, when talking to parents before I was one myself, I would get vague descriptions of how wonderful it is, but I couldn't relate. Now, not only do I understand the feeling, I also revel in my pure, simple inability to describe it sufficiently.

Music in my head: All Through the Night, not the Cyndi Lauper version, but the synth and ocean waves version we play for Ethan at his bedtime.

Almost Like the Real Thing

2006-08-29T08:37:00.000-04:00

It's big, alright. The part I have trouble with is this quote:

"When we got into it, I said 'Let's put one up that will make people in the new north end feel like they're sitting in their living room watching TV,"' Dodds said. "That's about how it will be."

So, being at the game will be as good as being at home watching the game on TV. The imitation is more real than the real thing.

Ghost From a Wishing Well

2006-08-09T19:00:00.000-04:00

Karen's brother-in-law answered a music trivia question correctly, and won two tickets to see Gordon Lightfoot (way to go, Chris!). As he and his family were planning to be away on Saturday, and knowing Karen is a Lightfoot fan, he had the tickets given to her(thanks Chris!). She picked me to be her date, so we did dinner before the concert, and got to our seats (which were pretty good seats) early enough so we didn't miss a thing.

This was my first time to see him in concert, though I've been fond of his music as long as I can remember. He did two sets. He looked kinda frail, but he's getting on in years, so that's to be expected. Someone sitting behind us mentioned that Gordon was having some sort of throat problem, which made him sound hoarse. I didn't pick up on that; while he sounded slightly different live than in recordings, I thought his voice was fine. He didn't talk much at all, just mostly sang old songs and new.

The theater wasn't completely full, but mostly so, and there was a lot of good energy floating around. We had a very nice time, and it was timely as well. Karen has been saying she wanted to go out, just the two of us, so this fit the bill nicely. Karen's dad watched Ethan for us (thanks Ralph!).

After the concert ended, we drifted up Burlington's Church Street to find coffee and dessert. We ended up at a coffee and tea joint called Uncommon Grounds. We each had a cup of decaf and a goody (they have very good cheesecake there).

All in all, a nice evening. It's been many, many years since I went to a big concert (not in a coffeehouse somewhere), and it seemed almost that long since Karen and I had gone on a date.

Music in my head: If You Could Read My Mind, Gordon Lightfoot

Have You Heard This One?

2006-08-07T20:36:00.000-04:00

Real listening is a willingness to let the other person change you. - Alan Alda, in Never Have Your Dog Stuffed

Good Night July

2006-07-31T19:57:00.000-04:00

And so we say farewell to July tonight. It was a busy month.

Karen's Aunt Jackie passed away, which led to loading up the family to trek out to Indiana for the service. She was a great lady, and will be missed.

Because my parents were only a little out of the way, we went through Tennessee to visit them. My in-laws were in a hurry to get back, but Karen, Ethan, and I stayed for a few days. This was during the country-wide heat wave that was, quite frankly, nuts. The trip home took us through NASCAR land, as I've previously written. It rained on us the whole way home. It was one of those driving rains we sometimes call a "frog chocker."

We had some stuff in a "weather resistant" bag on a rack which fits into the trailer receiver. The rack did fine. Apparently, "weather resistant" means that, like a sieve, it won't dissolve in water. It kept water out of the interior about as effectively as a sieve would.

Had a long and delightful lunch with Kate on the way home. She's always a blast, and a fountain of knowledge on health and animal things. She's one of the brighter, multifaceted jewels in Indra's Net.

Ended the month with the summer flu; runaway sinuses, burning sore throat, hot and cold running temperature, and dead-beat laziness.

When we arrived home, we discovered that a neighbor had come over while we were gone and cleaned up the damage from last fall's snow storm. Broken and downed trees were sawed and removed, and the yard had been mowed. What a great bunch of folks, and I feel very, very humble and grateful to have them as friends.

So, hats off to July, and a toast to August, which arrives in less than four hours. This takes us into the summery part of summer, the home stretch, as it were. I hope it's a good month for everyone.

Becoming Yourself

2006-07-30T22:37:00.000-04:00

From the July entry of the Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind calendar, quoting Shunryu Suzuki Roshi:

Without any idea of time, your practice goes on and on. Moment after moment you become you yourself.

I think that's true even if your practice is to not practice. You just may not be the you yourself you'd prefer to be.

Crying It Out

2006-07-30T21:43:00.000-04:00

I knew we were pretty much going to have to start over. After being on the road, after long days of driving, and having to stay in hotels and thus having people on the other sides of walls, it was just easier to have Ethan sleep with us in our bed than putting him in a portable crib and letting him cry himself to sleep. We tried it the first night out, but, even though we didn't get any complaints, we knew we'd be keeping other folks awake. So, he slept with us.

I might have said it before, but I kind of enjoy having him in the bed with us. There's just a kind of bonding that goes on. You roll over, and in the dim light, there's this little person, breathing slowly, maybe dreaming, and, while dreaming, sometime smiling and even laughing.

But, once we got back home, it was time to start the procedure over again. The first night, we put him to bed, and started The Sleep Lady shuffle. This is a technique whereby you sit next to the crib to let the child know you are there, so they feel safe and fall asleep. The added benefit is that you can see your child, so you know he isn't being tortured, even though he sounds like it. The technique is as much about maintaining your own sanity as it is about getting the child to sleep on his own.

The first time Karen tried it, it worked pretty well, but then illness disrupted the cycle. So we started again, this time taking turns, so at least one of us was getting sleep. Then we went out of town.

Foiled again.

After two weeks on the road, the shuffle was clearly not working. The problem was, Ethan could see us, he could hear us trying to soothe him, but what he couldn't understand was, "Hey, can't you hear me!? I'm unhappy! I want to be held! Pick me up!" and we wouldn't do it. So, that just made matters worse. I finally figured out it was better to just put him in the crib, turn out the lights, and leave the room.

I haven't verified if this is the source, but I've been told the "let 'em cry it out" method comes from Dr. Spock. According to Ethan's doctor, it only takes three nights, and then they will stop crying and go to sleep.

Uh huh.

We were getting there. It was down to around five to ten minutes of bawling, then sleep would take over. But he's gotton big enough and strong enough now that he can pull himself up on the rails of the crib. This means we had to lower the mattress. This, in turn, means we have to start all over again. Nap times seem to play out the same way.

It seems to be easier on me than on Karen; I can tell it breaks her heart to just leave an upset, crying child alone in the semi-dark. It's been easier with me. The first night I took over the shuffle, Ethan screamed and cried for 45 minutes before I'd had enough. I just left the room, went to bed, and said out loud, "F**k it, he can cry 'til his toes are pruney." Karen laughed; she was supposed to be asleep, but wasn't. We talked about the situation, with her giving me the same bulls**t advice I had given her night after night (it didn't help that she giggled the whole time), until we both noticed that, Hey! he'd stopped crying and fallen asleep. I think that first night I went in to check on him eight or nine times, afraid he'd stopped breathing, curled up, and shed his mortal coil. And each time, he would be asleep, clutching his Turtle blanket, as peaceful as ever.

And yet, every morning he shows the resiliency of a rubber ball. If he wakes before we do (or rather, before we admit to ourselves that we are awake), he coos and plays with his fingers, toes, and Turtle, until either we go in and get him or he gets tired of wearing a 37 pound wet and/or dirty diaper and he starts to holler. On top of that, he is all smiles.

I just wish our bedtime ritual didn't include the crying (he's stopped now, he was doing a full lung press when I started writing this post). It has a similar effect of having your head smashed in a pair of cymbals.

Really, this is just a coincidence, but the Music in my head is Crying, sung by Roy Orbison.

What Happens When We Don't Build Enough Fighter Jets

2006-07-22T08:01:00.000-04:00

Thought I'd share one more experience of staying in our hotel.

You might have noticed that my previous entry was posted in the early morning hours. That's because I was awake kinda early. Maybe the following anecdote will tell you why.

When I staggered into the bathroom in one of the numerous pre-dawn hours, I noticed for the first time that the toilet in the bathroom had handles on both sides of the bowl, mounted just below the rim. These were sleek, stainless steel handles of about two centimeters or so in diameter.

O.K.

I entered the room, turned on the light, and proceeded to, well, answer nature's call. When the light came on, there was this, well, sound that resembled a locomotive in heat coming from the ceiling, and the hair on the back of my neck (as well as the top) stood up. But, nature's call would not be denied. I sat down, underneath the exhaust fan, but immediately began to feel myself being pulled upward, into the exhaust fan.

Instinctively, I grabbed the well mounted, stainless steel handles.

As I stared up in the maelstrom, I noticed that the exhaust fan was made by Pratt & Whitney.

What a place.

Surrounded By Personalities

2006-07-22T05:40:00.000-04:00

For reasons I will explain later, we are surrounded by NASCAR fans. Apparently the NASCAR Podunk Pennsylvania Pocono 500 is Sunday, and hotels across Northern PA are crammed full of race fans, even an hour away from the track, and even though the race is two days away.

I'm finding it very, very difficult to not be snotty and stuck-up and snobbish towards race fans, as least inwardly. In some ways, I feel I have at least a little moral justification for feeling superior, since in my not-completely-ended redneck days I followed NASCAR (I even bought a Ford because Bill Elliot raced in one..apparently there was a difference between the one Bill drove and the one I drove, as I couldn't drive 500 miles in my T-Bird without something falling off of it).

Somewhere along the line (perhaps when a piece of my transmission fell off on the freeway - it sounded like I had run over a steel armadillo) I started to notice a change coming over the race scene. At first, it was becoming less about racing and more about personalities. Instead of seeing Pennzoil and Castrol gimme-caps, the car numbers, soon followed by the faces of the drivers, began to appear on clothing. Instead of drafting, fender-bending, a lapping, drivers were getting out of their cars and beating each other up.

As best as I can tell now, there are NASCAR factions, somewhat akin to the alliances in wrestling or the schools at Hogwarts. Dale Earnhart Jr. is in Gryffindor, and Tony Stewart is in Slytherin. There are some Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs who always seem to miss winning the (Quidditch) cup, but still drive fast enough to keep companies using the savings from denying their employees medical benefits advertising on their cars.

(It has just occurred to me, there are some factions of the populace who might improve their public image by sponsoring racers: the NAACP, gay organizations, President Bush. Even The 700 Club could sponsor the Holier-Than-Thou 100; they certainly aren't any more odious [pun intended] than the Winston folks.)

Anyway, around the same time, country music began to become popular, and, like NASCAR, more about personalities and less about the music (which, as is usual with things that become popular, coincided with the diminution of the quality of the art form). Suddenly, country music singers began to have only one name: Reba, Travis, Toby, Keith. It wasn't really that much of a problem, however; if it became difficult to distinguish one performer from another, that was OK, because the songs weren't all that different from each other, anyway. (Yes, I know that is a charge that has been brought against country music since the days of Jimmy Rogers.)

So, it wasn't any surprise when some Madison Avenue Brooks Brothers Bad Boy (who understood going into the "country" meaning leaving Manhattan) observed that, gee, by and large, the people who follow NASCAR are the same people who listen to (the current, dim simulation of) country music. Putting them together was a no-brainer, but I'm sure the first person to use this connection in advertising is now very wealthy; I certainly hope so.

In any event, we'll be home today, the Podunk Pennsylvania Pocono 500 is tomorrow, and I've let the snob in my psyche have his say. May your inner snob have as much fun as mine has.

Music in my head:Nessun dorma, Andrea Bocelli

A Great Picture

2006-07-05T11:59:00.000-04:00

Ethan and his grandfather, "Pappa" Neill.
Posted by Picasa

This picture was taken by my mother-in-law last spring. It's been posted on our refrigerator for months, I just haven't scanned it yet. This image captures his spirit quite well. He loves to laugh! And does it a lot.

Music in my head: Cupid, Sam Cooke

My Son, the Songwriter

2006-06-21T07:33:00.000-04:00

Ethan has written his first song. What a talented young fellow he is! So I thought I would share it with you, translated, of course, from Babyese. You all know the music, it's the tune "Take Me Out to the Ballgame," so, sing along!

Take me over to Mom's chest,
I am hungry for milk.
I don't want peanuts or Cracker Jack,
Take me now or I'll act out of whack!
Let me nurse, nurse, nurse on the left breast
That's the one with the cream,
For it's one, two, breasts full of milk
And they're both for me!

I'm sure I don't have to tell you what is the Music in my head.

Where's Robert? (Meet Pema Songye)

2006-06-14T03:38:00.000-04:00

I didn't really intend to take time off, it just sorta happened.

A lot has happened in the last few months. Since I'm writing this in a insomnia haze, I'll just mention one event.

During the first weekend of this month I did a workshop at the Omega Institute with Tulku Thondup Rinpoche on healing and the mind. At the end of the workshop, at my request, Tulku performed for me the refuge ceremony, meaning that I am now "officially" a Nyingma Tibetan Buddhist. I was given the Buddhist name "Pema Songye," which means "Lotus Buddha."

I've been wanting to do this ceremony for a long time, and I'm grateful to Rinpoche for taking the time to do it.

And, no, I'm not going by "Pema" now; I'm still Robert, occasional insomniac.

Music in my head: Deja Vu, Diana Ross

Tofu Roshi's Advice

2006-04-27T17:54:00.000-04:00

Do not stop flossing! If dental floss had been available to Shakyamuni, he would have used it, do you not agree? It is time to put the "dental" back in "transcendental." -Tofu Roshi

A League Of Our Own

2006-03-30T12:12:00.000-05:00

Anyone out there interested in starting/joining a Fantasy Baseball league with Yahoo? Drop me an e-mail if interested: shearer at accessvt.com.

I've never played in one, so we'd be mostly first timers. It costs nothing to play, except time.

Ethan and the Present Moment

2006-03-23T20:27:00.000-05:00

The experience of the Present Moment is not, I don't think, all that rare, though I suspect recognition of it is. Having a baby enter your life brings those moments of awareness around so often it almost becomes second nature; no, let me restate that: it becomes first nature.

At six months of age, a child is ever in the present moment. He's not old enough to have elaborate schemes for the future. If I'm hungry now, I want to eat, now. If I'm sleepy, I want to sleep, now. And there are times when just curled up on Mommy or Daddy's chest fills all my present requirements. I don't have to have or do anything else, this is just fine as it is, thank you very much.

And if you just join him, as he is curled up on your chest, favorite blanket over the both of you, the Present Moment becomes very apparent, and it is a Present Moment, Wonderful Moment. There is emotion, sure, but there's also a contact with All of It, or, Life, The Universe, and Everything. The only sad fact about it is it isn't possible to explain it, at least not in English words. So, you can't exactly share it. Oh, people try, as I have, but until you've experienced it, such alignment with Now is the stuff of which dreams are made, and that's all.

Poking My Head Up From Under the Snow

2006-03-21T08:18:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the first day of spring, and the winter weather that didn't show up until March continued. Snow is expected for most of the week, though the temperatures are predicted to be just above freezing during the day, and just below at night. I got my advertising e-mail from Dakin Farms that the first maple syrup of the season is already available. I haven't checked with the locals, but I gotta believe the sugaring season hasn't really begun yet. I haven't seen any buckets hanging from tree trunks.

I don't have an explanation for the lack of blogging lately. I guess I just haven't been inspired.

Ethan continues to grow, and we have begun the process of having him sleep in his own bed rather than with us. It was rough going at first. Karen consulted a number of books on how to make this transition, though very little of it seemed to be working. However, things have gone much smoother since she effectively tossed the books and worked on instinct.

I have my last class of Level Two training in Shambhala tonight. While the training itself has been illuminating, I think I've gotten more out of the community of both established members and fellow aspiring warriors. It is a very supportive group, but also just plain interesting.

In addition to all that, I've been trying to teach myself statistics and probability. Somehow I was able to get a B.S. in electrical engineering, and an M.S. in computer science, without ever taking a stats class. A couple of months ago I started reading a textbook on pattern recognition, which started explaining Bayesian techniques, and I was lost almost immediately. So, I thought getting some stats under my education belt would help. I started with a Teaching Company course, and am now reading a few textbooks on the subject, including one from the "Demystified" series which is quite good. I guess the most surprising thing about the whole effort is how much I've enjoyed the courses, books, and the entire subject. I'm even beginning to get use of some of those weird buttons on my graphing calculator.

Perhaps the biggest impediment has been the increased muscle pains, coupled with higher than usual headache pain. But, a new drug used to treat people with memory problems has been shown to help people reduce their headaches, so I'm about to try that. And who knows? Maybe it will help me remember things more.

And who knows? Maybe it will help me remember things more.

Still Around

2006-03-07T13:48:00.000-05:00

I'm still here, just having a hard time with headaches. And now I've got neck and shoulder muscle spasms. Got good meds for the latter, but it makes me pretty sleepy. So, I'm off for a nap, and hope to wake in time for Shambhala training tonight.

Also missing my wife and child something fierce; they went to Long Island for the weekend, and are due back this afternoon.

Pardon, but I think I hear my pillow calling...

Music in my head: Music from Bizet's Carmen

Just One More

2006-02-22T12:34:00.000-05:00

I know I said I was going to get to work, but someone in Brussels found my blog via this excellent post, so I had to share it.

OK, OK, pushing the Publish Post button, closing all windows, turning off monitor, and getting to work...

Whole New Day

2006-02-22T11:55:00.000-05:00

Karen and Ethan are at play group, so Kane and I have the house to ourselves. Kane is napping, after a vigorous morning workout of moose-fetch and tug-of-moose-war. What am I doing? Sitting in front of this silly computer, browsing, browsing, browsing, while my early morning get-organized energy mojo slowly seeps out from under my fingernails and disappears into the keyboard. Next to me is an empty can of root beer that I remember bringing in with me, but I don't remember drinking. I don't even remember belching.

Karen and I are clutter gods, we must be. I think we could create clutter by walking into a (white padded) empty room. It just seems to surround us.

Last night I finished the Level 1 Shambhala training; the next level starts in a few weeks. It's a good group, so I think I will continue on with them. It's been enlightening (pun intended, even if it isn't very funny) to learn new ways of experiencing the world, widening the meditative moment to include more than just the breath. Aside from this, it was also good to feel that initial frustration with meditation; perhaps it will help me help others when I next volunteer in the pain management program.

Looking around the room, I can feel that organizing mojo building again. I've spent enough mindless time this morning. Time for a bit of cleaning meditation.

Why is simplicity so complex?

Music in my head: Moonlight Serenade, Carly Simon

An Analysis of the Prophet Cartoons

2006-02-20T14:27:00.000-05:00

Found on IslamOnline, a reasonable analysis of the issues surrounding the controveries of the European cartoons of The Prophet Muhammad.

Shambhala

2006-02-19T10:40:00.000-05:00

(Gosh, it's been awhile since I posted.)

I have one more evening class to go in order to complete the Level 1 training of Shambhala. Attending is the result of conversations with Zenchick, as well as with a former coworker who belongs to the Burlington group.

There are some major differences between Shambhala and Zen. For one, Shambhala is a secular practice, though based on Buddhism. For another, while Zen (at least as it is practiced locally) is strict about the methods of practice, Shambhala is more relaxed. And, at least at this center (though I hear this is true at most of them) there is an air of inclusiveness.

Practicing at the Zen center reminded me of an old Prairie Home Companion "advertisement" for a breakfast cereal called Raw Bits. It takes a real he-man to eat Raw Bits, and therefore, to buy it, you had to apply for the purchase and meet stringent qualifications.

Zen is dark earth tones; Shambhala is bright colors. Zen is about bearing the inevitable pain of sitting; Shambhala wants you to be comfortable, the idea being that pain while sitting is discouraging and distracts from the practice. To sit at the Zen center, you had to be a member, while sitting (and instruction) is free and open to the public at the Burlington Shambhala Center.

I'm not knocking Zen; it works for a lot of people, and works well. But, at least with what was available, it wasn't a good fit for me.

During the sittings at the class I find it difficult to drop my long-time zazen practice and adopt the new, though an interview with the instructor yesterday helped quite a bit.

Unless things get radically unpleasant, I plan to take the next four levels, each being offered once a month for the next four months. There are some Buddhism classes as well, which I hope to sample.

Another attractive aspect of the Shambhala group is the community. There are some social and family gatherings, and finding a group (sangha) with which to practice is a big plus.

So, down the path I go. It isn't really a different path, but now I'm wearing some new shoes. It will be interesting to see how they fit.

Music in my head: no music this morning, which is unusual

Prophet Cartoons

2006-02-11T06:02:00.000-05:00

I've been learning about Islam through a couple of courses, one from The Teaching Company and one via Barnes and Noble University.

For us in the Western world, we wonder, "What's the big deal about comical depictions of The Prophet?" I'll try to explain it as I understand it, and hope my Islamic readers (if I still have any) will correct anything I write here.

Perhaps the best place to start is with a little history. At the time Muhammad was given the Word of God, (Allah - and Allah is the same God as of Judaism and Christianity - more on that in a moment) he was living in Arabia that was populated by people of many faiths, including polytheists who worshipped tribal gods. Often these tribal gods were depicted by images or idols. In contrast, The Word - the Koran or Quran or spelled a number of ways - as given to the Prophet Muhammad taught that there was but One God (Allah), and that He Was the only Infinite and cannot - and should not - be depicted in any manner. This prohibition extends to Muhammed, who is not considered divine but is nonetheless to be emulated by Muslims. Hence, when the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten posted pictures of Muhammad - and the pictures were derogatory besides - the publication had committed a desecration.

You can read a timeline of the story here at The Independent.

It may come as a surprise to some people (it did to me, anyway, when I first learned this years ago) that the Islamic Allah is the same as the Christian God and the Judaic God. Islam considers Moses and Abraham to be founding fathers, as in the Judao-Christian religions. The Qu'ran is said to be the final Word of God; it supersedes the Bible, although there are still Biblical passages that are important. Jesus is considered an important prophet in Islam, though it does not recognize his divinity.

There are aspects of Christianity that are considered wrong in Islam. For example, worship of the Trinity - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit - appears to be polytheistic to some Muslims. Images of Christ, including crucifixion, are idolatry.

Depictions of revered people are a touchy subject, it seems. Americans may remember the controversy around a photograph of the Crucifixion in a jar of urine. A couple of years ago the Sensei of the Vermont Zen Center objected to a headline which used the phrase "Big Buddha" (a pun on the term "Big Brother") to a story in the local Burlington Free Press. I've seen some of the cartoons that so upsets the Islamic world, and they certainly aren't complimentary.

So what are we to make of this? My opinion of the principles of free speech and freedom of the press remains - these freedoms are paramount (dare I even say it - sacred?). Certainly there are limits, but do the cartoons cross that limit? As I am not Muslim, it is easy for me to say that they do not. What I will say is that the exercise of free speech is not always without a price. If you are going to publish something incendiary (and the Danish paper knew it was), then you should be prepared to weather the firestorm to follow.

I would point out that, in some of the protests, American flags were burned along with Danish ones. We didn't print the images, but somehow we seem to share some of the blame. What does that say of us? It would be easy to dismiss hatred of America with phrases like, "They hate freedom and our way of life!" That is the kind of useless rhetoric that has proven so far to only antagonize some Muslim nations. While we point to the Internet and global press and communications and say, "Gee the world is getting smaller," as a nation we sit behind our nation's borders and pretend everything we do is right, because, to use a phrase from T.H. White, "Might is Right!" Somehow the ability to bomb other countries - particularly small, weak ones - gives us an opinion of ourselves that in reality is blown way out of proportion. I'm not saying we should cow-tow to terrorists (can we please dispense with the simpilistic dualist thinking of talk radio?), but, as Jyllands-Posten is learning now, actions have consequences.

While war with Iraq has been a boon for oil companies (you know, the folks who used to employ our President, Vice-President, and staff), one look at TV news shows that oil is not the only substance that burns.

A Little Light Shines Through

2006-02-03T16:34:00.000-05:00

I was doing the grocery shopping this week when I picked up a box containing VapoSteam (Ethan had a cold - he seems to be over it, now). The box was slightly crushed, and as I was about to put it back on the shelf, suddenly, I understood.

Somewhere I read that Sunryu Suzuki Roshi would always buy the damaged and old produce at the market; the stuff about to go bad that nobody buys, and hence it gets thrown away. I remember thinking how noble that was when I read it.

But as I was about to put back the damaged box, I got it. I'm sorry, I can't explain the difference between thinking and getting it, maybe some of y'all have had the experience and understand.

So I came home with a few battered grocery items.

Music in my head: I Always Go Walking, Chuck Pyle

Books for University of Mosul

2006-01-30T09:14:00.000-05:00

Aunt Najma on her Iraqi blog A Star from Mosul has started a library project to replace out-of-date textbooks in the civil engineering department.

Her blog has a large following; for awhile she was writing for the New York Times (pretty good for a teenager). Then, her father started blogging. Now her whole family does (though this last hasn't been updated in awhile).

I did a quick perusal of the book wishlist; as usual for engineering books, they are really, really expensive. But there's also a way to contribute money towards the library. As much as I'd like to provide one of the requested textbooks, I'm afraid I can only donate. But, please do what you can!

Ethan Update

2006-01-25T08:23:00.000-05:00

Ethan had is well baby appointment a few weeks back, but I don't remember blogging about it.

As of January 6 he weighs 17 pounds, 15 ounces, and is 26 1/2 inches long. According to the doctor, that puts him in the 90-95 percentile for baby size.

At this rate, by the age of eight or so, he will easily be big enough to kick my butt.

Since last week he has had a cold, with a bit of fever and coughing. His temperature is back to normal, but he still has the cough, and general don't-feel-well stuff.

Yesterday I watched him for a couple of hours while Karen went to yoga. Normally, when I watch him, he simply sleeps through most of the time. Yesterday, though, he was just generally unhappy. I tried all the standard tricks: I fed him, changed him, played music, sang to him, played with him. All of these were effective for a short period of time, but he just couldn't be soothed. Just holding him, while walking around the house and looking out the windows, was the best I could do.

After about an hour of this, my back was really, really hurting.

We were looking out the big living room window when Karen pulled into the driveway. At the sound of the garage door coming up, Ethan let loose a couple of drool drops and fell asleep on my shoulder.

Even though he has time like yesterday, it still amazes me how happy he is so much of the time. He always awakes with a smile. If he's been with Mommy or Daddy, the other one gets a really, really big smile just coming into view. And he goes into fits of giggling sometimes when we play the Chewpa song:

Chewpa chewpa chewpa chewpa chewpa chewpa chewpa chewpa chewpa chewpa chewpa chewpa chew...

or the Ninny song, which basically consists of words that start and end with the letter "n" with a long or short vowel sound in between:

Ninny nanny noony, nayny noney nunny, nenny neeny niney nanny new...

I don't know what it is about these songs that sets him laughing, whether it's the tune, the sounds, or the goofy faces we make. I'd guess it's a combination of all three.

We've got pictures to post. But we've all four (even Kane, who broke a claw) been a bit under the weather, so posting things (as well as reading blogs) has slowed for the time being. I'll post a link once the pictures are ready.

Angulimala

2006-01-22T06:42:00.000-05:00

While looking online for the story of Angulimala I came across this account, which also has a history of the Buddhist Prison Chaplaincy Organisation ANGULIMALA, based in the U.K.

The story of Angulimala is a wee bit gory, but a powerful one, it seems. A Google search returned over 35,000 hits, including sutras and a movie review.

What with furor over Judge Cashman's ruling (which, as should come as no surprise, has been misrepresented, if not outright mistated [and let me state that I have mixed feelings about what happened]), the story has relevence, though I bring it up only because I think it is interesting.

A Supernatural Conversation

2006-01-19T09:56:00.000-05:00

Comments on my post concerning Intelligent Design elicited the following comment from Campagna, who writes the artsy blog Magritte's Apple:

Everyone starts with certain world views that shape how they approach these questions. Everyone. What is endlessly annoying about Darwinists is that they deny this obvious fact about themselves. No system, no matter how rational it may seem to its adherents, isn't based on some set of assumptions that can be challenged by opponents. It certainly is easy enough to conclude that there could have been no Intelligent Designer if one rejects out of hand all supernatural explanations for any phenomena we see around us. Yet this type of pure materialism is an intellectual dead; end - human consciousness, in particular, cannot be explained merely in terms of neurons and synapses.

This started a conversation between us via e-mail, which he has graciously allowed me to publish. My response was this:

I agree with you on some of what you say. Certainly our world views shape (dare I even say, taint?) how we perceive and understand the world. Science isn't immune from this phenomena. However, the techniques and common language of science is, I think, structured to minimize this. It has as a drawback that what might be intuitive links between observations are sometimes overlooked. I think even this is changing, though; the last quarter of the 20th century began to witness great theories of natural histories that were the result of interdisciplinary examinations of questions that were once the domain of religion (origin of life, for example).

As for supernatural explanations, a person can hardly be faulted for rejecting them. So much of what was once considered supernatural has been shown to have rational explanation. This is just a tendency. But, in a way, perhaps this is just a matter of definition; once we have a reductionist explanation for phenomena, said phenomena ceases to be supernatural.

As for consciousness, that, too, is becoming understood more and more. While I agree that it cannot be explained in terms of brain structures, such structures are vital ingredients of consciousness and must play a part of any complete explanation. An analogy would be a full description of a building; there's more to a building than the materials from which it is built. But that doesn't mean we can't understand architecture. So, I don't think a natural explanation for consciousness is impossible; in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if such an explanation were to be found in my lifetime. But this is just an example; my point was and is that supernatural explanations are no longer necessary; they may have a valid role to play in our society, but too often that role is malevolent to society. Whereas there are checks and balances to science, there are none for religion and the supernatural, and this leads to problems.

I do agree that pure materialism is, as you say, a dead end. But I rarely ever see "pure" materialism; there's still aesthetics. A person who sees, for example, images from the Hubble Space Telescope will find them quite awe inspiring, to both the person who understands how the subject of such images came into being, as well as to the person completely ignorant of astrophysics.

To which he replied:

Interesting thoughts.

I often enjoy reading James Randi and other debunkers of con artists in the areas of ESP and other psychic "phenomena". Perhaps the fact that natural explanations have been found for so much of what once appeared to be supernatural makes the claims of the Uri Gellers of the world all the more compelling-we need to believe that there is more to the universe than what our senses can directly perceive. That need, I feel, isn't an irrational one-I don't believe we are alone and "lost" in a universe whose ways are ultimately random and capricious. But this notion of a spirit-filled universe, if you will, a notion held by most peoples through most of human history, is a philosophical/religious view. Science can neither prove nor disprove this opinion. If such a view is pernicious, then most if not all human societies hold a pernicious view. Yet mere consensus is no argument for any opinion-it wasn't so long ago that virtually all scientists who studied the issue felt that the theory of continental drift couldn't be valid, and even today there is no satisfactory explanation for how the drift occurs. I would argue that there is some sensible middle ground between the old belief that virtually everything we see is of supernatural origin, and the current one that nothing is. I'm a Roman Catholic, and the Church, even today, deals with cases of apparent demon possession. The cases are carefully studied, with an eye towards finding a purely psychological explanation for the person's condition. And usually such a cause is found. But not always.

My response:

This statement jumped out at me: "we need to believe that there is more to the universe than what our senses can directly perceive."

I suppose I could be a literalist here. Much of what we know about the structure of atoms we know without directly seeing them. Nobody has ever seen an electron, proton, or neutron. But we know they exist. I guess I'm focusing on the word "directly." Come to think of it, nobody has ever seen the evolution of any life more complex than bacteria (well, there's the peppered moth). But, in Buddhist thought, there are six senses, not five. The sixth sense is thought, and thought has directly experienced these things. Besides, I don't want to be a literalist.

For the most part, I can't really think of too many reasons why there's anything wrong in believing in the supernatural. But, one reason does seem clear, and we see it in the Creationism and Intelligent Design issue. The supernatural belief in a Designer has changed from belief, or faith, into dogma. I heard the best definition of dogma in a comparative religion course: if you belief something in such a way that no amount of evidence can change your mind, your belief is dogma. Dogmatic belief lends itself to exploitation by con artists. Are ID proponents con artists? I don't know, what I've read seems pretty sincere; logically, some may be, I think most are not.

Having said that, I have a sort of faith that science will eventually answer most of questions of today, and spawn more that are beyond our current ability to imagine. It seems pretty infinite. If I take my own circumstances, I can see what you mean. If you've read my blog for any length of time, you know that I suffer from daily chronic, rather painful migraine headaches. Having exhausted most of the scientifically supported cures, I've now entered the world of alternative medicine, such as acupuncture and energy healing (though acupuncture HAS been clinically studied - hee hee - I didn't try it until I heard of the study, however). The results have been less than dramatic, but the point is even reductionist, materialist me "believes that there is more to the universe than what our senses can directly perceive."

So I confess my own condition has moved me closer to the middle for which you sensibly argue. It's a practical stance (the supernatural? practical? if I say that too much CSICOP will cut off my subscription to Skeptical Enquirer); I don't really need to know *why* something works, as long as it does.

Anyone want to add their thoughts? Comments, please!

Music in my head: Blue Danube Waltz

An Islamic Reformation?

2006-01-13T08:10:00.000-05:00

I am by no means an expert on Islam, let me say from the outset. I did read the Quran many years ago, but it was very apparent to me that, at least in the version I read, there's something lost in translation. Should I ever conquer my problems with learning a language, I'd like to learn Arabic.

But, as I understand it, from a course I completed recently on American religious history, Islam has not had the equivalent of Christianity's Reformation. (Please, if I understand this incorrectly, correct me.)

This morning I was reading stories connected with Eid and the current Hajj, including a sad story about hundreds of people killed in a stampede during the ritual of stoning the devil.

It was the first story that caught my attention. The story ends with the account of an Iraqi anthropologist living in France and studying the Hajj. To quote from the article:

Daoud says the challenge facing many Muslim leaders now is how far they can go in modernising Islam and adapting it to the times in the face of resistance by religious establishments and whether they are truly prepared to introduce democratic practices into their societies.

"The mufti wants to take us back to the paradise we were expelled from, while many of us want to live the here and now," he says.

Whether intended or not, the Western world, while combatting terrorism (an admirable goal), is also laying siege to Islam and its followers, a very counterproductive move. Yes, President Bush and Prime Minister Blair have said the words about the greatness and tolerance of mainstream Islam, while at the same time denying visas to Muslim peace activists and blocking charitable contributions to Islamic organizations (such contributions are part of Muslim practice).

There is ample evidence that some Muslim charitable organizations channel some funds to terrorists. Even terrorist organizations such as Hamas have activities for helping and educating the poor, apart from their terrorist activities. But Muslims in America have been asking for a list of approved organizations that provide assistance to Muslim countries; to the best of my knowledge, that has not happened, though my info on this issue is from last year and the problem may have been solved. In any event, American Muslims have adapted their charitable work to Western-based organizations.

I say all this not to cast blame on Bush and Blair (I could go on for a long time doing that). The point I am making is that Islam is facing pressure, not to mention open hostility, from the US due to the actions of a small minority of Muslims who carry their fundamentalism to the extremes of terrorism.

In addition, with the ubiquitous access to global information from radio, television, and the Internet, governments such as in Saudi Arabia are finding more of their citizens rethinking the treatment of women and non-Muslim people. There's a growing movement towards the secularization of government, even in such countries as Iran. Couple that with the militarily enforced conversion to democracy, and it appears that Islam is approaching a crossroad.

Perhaps an Islamic Reformation is on the horizon. I doubt it will take the form of a paper being nailed to the door of a mosque, but I believe it will take some sort of charismatic individual to lead the way. Right now we have leaders such as Osama bin Laden (a man of whom it can be said has Muslim faith, but not a Muslim practice) preying on the poor and oppressed. Islam needs a mainstream individual to counter men like bin Laden.

I have read that Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world. If so, then it must provide something of value to many people. While I'm not sure a splintering of Islam would be a good thing (as has happened with Christianity after the Reformation), Daoud has stated the matter well. Islam is facing an adaptation to "the times."

The Wheels Come Off

2006-01-11T09:00:00.000-05:00

I'm sure the expression is used elsewhere, but I first heard it playing golf, during a particularly bad day on the links, before I learned to lighten up and enjoy the bad shots as well as the good: "The wheels have come off."

Yesterday the wheels came off. It started off with plenty of warning; I awoke in the middle of the night with a searing, stabbing headache. By 5 AM I couldn't stand it any more and took meds for it. It took more than the usual dose to get it down to a dull ache.

After breakfast I decided to put out a suet block for the woodpeckers, who have a tendency to scatter seeds from the feeders, looking for bugs or shelled seed meat, I don't know which. Last year I bought new pacs (heaving snow boots); they wouldn't fit. I had to take off my socks to get my feet into them. Further warning.

When I went outside, I took Kane with me, who gets cabin fever. He ran around the yard joyously, while I put the block in the suet feeder, getting congealed fat all over my hands. Once done, I went inside with Kane, to discover that, somewhere in the snow, Kane had torn off a claw, and he was bleeding all over the kitchen floor.

That's when the wheels came off.

I rushed to get a bottle of peroxide and the first aid kit. I washed his foot over a small plastic tub, and commenced to wrap the foot. Karen had her hands full trying to hold Kane still. In the middle of the wrapping, he jerked his foot back and gauze, tape, and blood went everywhere. I lost my temper, said some dirty words, and started again.

A call to the vet, they were able to see him immediately, which was a relief. The second attempt at wrapping worked, and I taped a plastic bag over his foot, as he was bleeding through the wrap. Kane had trouble walking, so I had to carry him to the car. He weighs close to 100 pounds.

Throughout this, Kane thinks he has done something wrong and is being punished. So, when it came time to pick him up, he squatted on the floor and would not stand up. This led to further words, which of course confirmed in Kane's mind he was being punished. I finally got him into my arms, through the front door, down the steps and into the back of the car. It took several minutes of heavy panting to get back my breath, and the world was spinning.

Good ol' adrenaline.

On the way to the vet, he kept trying to stand, and I get yelling at him to lie down. This had the effect of punishment, making matters worse with him.

I arrive at the vet's, and go inside to beg for help carrying him in. A rather large fellow comes out with me, obviously Pee Owed to have to carry a big dog. While I struggle to find the leash, Kane hops out of the back, and the guy says, "Hey, he can walk."

"Sorry, I guess I made a fuss about nothing."

"No problem." I guess acknowledging my state of twitness softened him up.

(By the way, pet owners will recognize this phenomena. The dog is crippled and in agony at home, and perfectly fine once he gets to the clinic.)

In the end, we got his foot treated. The vet clipped the hair around the toe, put some ointment on it, and chidded me for not keeping his nails trimmed, feeding him too much, and exercising him too little. A new bandage and wrap, and he's fine. I went ahead and had his annual checkup done, complete with shots and the like.

But, I'm still uncomfortable about my mind state yesterday. I was about as far from mindful as you can possibly get without breaking the law. I suppose everyone has "those days" now and then. But, Oh Boy! I need more time on the cushion.

Perhaps this is a wake up call (which my Buddhist readers will recognize as a pun of sorts). Practice, practice, practice. It's the practice during the good times which prepares us for the bad times.

Music in my head: Strauss' Blue Danube Waltz.

Odds and Ends

2006-01-06T08:30:00.000-05:00

Blogs. Macroscopic World has disappeared; or, at least, the author known as Quail of Peace. Her (I don't know why I think this was written by a woman, I just seem to recall that) last entry was nearly a year ago on Feb. 15th. E-mails sent to the address I had for her bounce back as undeliverable. I know she had some issues with the Saudia Arabia government, which blocks an unknown number of sites, and was, at least one time if not now, blocking Blogger's blogs on blogspot.com. This is really a loss for everyone, including the Saudi government. Quail was an excellent source of info on Saudi and Arab culture (as well as on scientific discoveries) and we shared info on our religions back and forth in comments and e-mails.

Blogmandu, the "metablog of the blangha" hasn't been updated since last December 18th. This is a great source of info for what's been the subject of many Buddhist blogs. I suspect it will be back.

There's a blog for Richmond, Vermont, entitled My Richmond VT, that's a good source of info about happenings in our home town.

The writer formerly known as Andi has returned to the world of blogging with One robe, one bowl, under her new name Soen Joon. She has entered a temple in South Korea and is working towards her novitiate. She posts roughly once a week on Mondays, and the entries are always interesting.

My former roomate, friend, and high school buddy Jose' Johnson started a blog entitled Rhythmic Bliss, but he hasn't written anything since early November. I hope he writes more.

I need to update my list on the right column of this blog; some of the links have been updated, and I have additions.

Ethan.He's getting bigger by the minute. On a home scale we measured him at around 18 pounds (what's that, between 8 and 9 kilos?). He woke early this morning, and was happy, happy, happy. I hope I am someday the man he thinks I am. This morning we held hands (well, his hand, my index finger) until he went back to sleep (after he got his first, early breakfast).

He has a well baby doctor's appointment this afternoon, so we'll get a better measure of his weight.

New software. I discovered a new program and service (well, new to me) called SightSpeed. A large amount of my time was spent this week trying to get some sort of Internet-based video call program to work between us and my parents so they could see Ethan now and then. We tried Yahoo Messenger first, but had performance and reliability issues. Next we tried MSN Messenger, which didn't work at all and isn't really worth the added security risk found in all of Microsoft's software. Hoping to get better performance in a peer-to-peer program, we tried NetMeeting; however, it has problems working through a firewall, and is REALLY a security risk, and on top of it all it was buggy (again, what you expect from a Microsoft product). Finally, I did a search and tried a bunch of similar programs, but finally settled on SightSpeed because it has really good performance, is pretty reliable (but not without bugs), works without requiring changes to a firewall, and, for one-on-one video calls, is free. So, I recommend it.

Music in my head: Various bits of music from Mozart's The Magic Flute.

The Trojan Horse...

2006-01-05T03:17:00.000-05:00

...was really Young.

I had to turn it off. It was just too exciting a game, and, trying to be as restrained as I could, I woke up Ethan on a Longhorn touchdown. Had I watched it to the end, I would have awakened the entire town of Richmond (and I don't mean awaken in the Buddhist sense).

Music in my head: The Eyes of Texas.

Bringing 2005 To A Close

2005-12-31T18:19:00.000-05:00

I don't want my last post of the year to be something gloomy.

From where I am, 2005 has just under six hours left before 2006 arrives. It's been quite a year. It was on this day last year that we learned Karen was pregnant, and on September 2nd Ethan joined us, bringing so much joy into our house it leaks out the windows and flows down the driveway (at least, those parts that don't float up into and over the clouds).

Looking forward into 2006, I've got a week of limited diet (basically, rice and chicken) in an attempt to determine if food is the cause of my headaches (or allergies or sensitivities or...). It's time to restart my sitting practice, as well as daily exercise and yoga. I also want to get a bit more serious about learning French, as well as the computer language Prolog. So, it's time to establish a routine and stick to it. Sitting on my shelf, ready for the first entry tomorrow, is a Moleskine 2006 daily planner, where I will keep track of all these things, as well as record my pain values (and weather conditions) for the day.

Karen and I will also be rejoining Weight Watchers. They won't let pregnant women belong, and, as she was my weight loss buddy, I not only failed to keep the regimen but put on another twenty pounds or so in the process.

Finally, at the risk of being too ambitious, I resolve to write at least one new poem a month. I'll start with Mary Oliver's handbook, and see where it leads me.

I encourage my reader(s) to reveal some of their resolutions for 2006 in the comment section.

In the meantime, I bow to you all. My wishes for us all for 2006:

May all beings have happiness and its causes.
May all beings be free from suffering and its causes.
May all beings not be separated from sorrowless bliss.
May all beings abide in equanimity free from bias, attachment and anger.

Namaste.

Use of Torture

2005-12-31T10:03:00.000-05:00

Hmm...

Intelligent Design - Is It Scientific?

2005-12-29T11:10:00.000-05:00

Nacho on his excellent and arty blog WoodMoor Village Zendo has a couple of lengthy entries (here and here) in which he disputes the notion that Intelligent Design (ID) is a science, mainly in a reply to a stance of ID as science through Buddhist thought. Nacho (I love that name) goes into deep detail, as do a few of his commentors, of specific mechanisms that ID adherents claim are evidence for a designer for life, the universe, and everything.

I want to first address the idea that ID is a scientific theory. It isn't. To be truly scientific, a theory must have, at a minimum, two characteristics: 1) it must explain the current empirical data, and 2) it must be able to predict future observation and testing results. Let's look at both of these.

Does ID explain current empirical data? As a matter of fact, it does, in a twisted way. All characteristics and observations can be simply explained as the work of the Designer (I will honor the way the ID folks carefully avoid the word God or Deity or Supreme Being, though we know [nudge nudge wink wink] that this is really what they are trying to prove). Yet this does not get the ID folks off the hook; as a corollary, a true scientific theory can be shown to be incorrect by clearly defined data. Is there data that would prove ID wrong? Oddly enough, there is, and that is the overwhelming evidence of evolution. However, ID proponents maintain that evolution is only a theory, and theories are only ideas, not facts. This is the kind of misunderstanding and myopic word meaning thinking that, curiously enough, you find among fundamentalists. But evolution is a fact.

At the risk of digression, this clinging to evolution as a theory rather than fact is akin to the following situation. You are standing in a field, looking west at a beautiful sunset. Suddenly, and without warning, you feel yourself hit in the back of the head by a hard object. You turn around, and, standing there is another person, the only other person in the field besides yourself. This other person, your alleged attacker, grips a hammer dripping with blood, and he has a smile on his face. Now, the question is, did that person hit you? You can do all kinds of tests; the wound on your head matches the peen of the hammer; it is your blood dripping off the hammer, as determined by DNA and other tests. In a court of law, this would be evidence beyond a reasonable doubt that this person hit you on your head with that hammer. However, to a jury of ID believers, you still haven't proved that the person did indeed attack you, as you did not see the person hit you. In fact, nowhere in the Bible does it state that this person hit you; it's possible that some Intelligent Hammer Attacker did the attack, and arranged the evidence to make you think it was this other person, to test the faith of all involved.

But, let's get back to ID as a scientific theory. Clearly, ID does not enable a person to predict future events, nor does it allow for testing and reproducing current tests. If everything that happens does so because it is designed that way by some sort of Designer, you can never know if some new piece of data comes from the inherent Design, or if it is a fact which calls into question Intelligent Design. To be able to predict, you would have to know the mind of the Designer. You cannot predict what results you will see when changes in the environment occur.

So, clearly, ID is not scientific. Well, then, what is it?

I contend we can determine this through induction, by observing the history of thought as it pertains to gods and the supernatural.

As far back as there is a written record (and there is reasonable evidence that this occurred prehistorically) man has explained his world through the use of supernatural forces. Phenomena that was mysterious was believed to be the actions of gods, goddesses, and monsters. The Nile river overflowed its banks every year at the same time, allowing for the cultivation of crops, because the Gods provided it. A lightening bolt was caused by Zeus tossing them from Mt. Olympus. Do you see a pattern? When phenomena could not be explained logically or scientifically, it was given a supernatural cause.

Sometimes these phenomena were given a number of supernatural explanations, as different cultures created their own answers. Let's take one big example, that of death. What happens when we die?

The Egyptians thought that, if the body were properly preserved, a dead person would be resurrected in a land in the "west" overseen by a god, Osiris. The process of preservation was overseen by Anubis, who provided the necessary magic for the process. This was not metaphorical thinking on the part of Egyptians; burials were always on the west side of the Nile, for example.

Among the Greeks and Romans, the dead were sent to The Underworld (in fact, there were different underworlds; Hades, Tartarus, the Elysian Fields). Amongst the Norse, a warrior who died in battle was taken by the Valkyries to Valhalla, the warrior's hall, to await the final battle, Ragnorak.

In modern times, we have similar supernatural systems. Among Christians, if we are "good" we go to Heaven for an eternal life of bliss; if we are "bad" we go to Hell for an eternal life of punishment. In Hindu and Buddhist systems, our actions in this life determine the life we will have upon reincarnation, until we are free from the cycle of birth and death.

The point I am trying to make is humans seem to have a need to know the causes of phenomena we experience in our lives. Not only do we want to know how things happen, but also why. Science is a body of practices that can determine the way things work. It has led to another body of practices, technology, which allows us to manipulate our environment for what we perceive to be "better" situations. While science and technology have been with us from the beginnings of the human race (and it isn't only humans who have science and technology), it has only been since the Enlightenment that science has begun to regularly provide natural answers for what were once attributed to supernatural causes.

Supernatural causes are the domain of religion. There are still questions that science cannot answer (What happens when we die?). As long as there are such questions, we will have religion. Religion, however, is not always a benign practice amongst humans. Different religions, which provide different supernatural answers to many of the same questions, are organized in a various power structures. The leaders of these structures make their living by expounding on their chosen answers. Some of them try to further their power and influence by converting people of other religions into theirs. The more followers a religion has, the more power the leaders of said religion have. And, while curiousity is a human trait, the desire to control the environment is also human. Religious leaders believe they have more control over their environment when they have more power. As such, some will vigorously defend their power domain.

This is where religion comes into conflict with science. Increasingly, science is providing answers to questions that were once the domain of religion. As the supernatural is shown to be less and less a tenable answer, a dangerous trend becomes apparent to the leaders and followers of some religions. More and more, people begin to ask themselves, "Well, if my religion was wrong about X, what else does it have wrong?" Because Christianity can be such a binary thought system, many people, leaders and followers, make the next binary leap of thought: If the Bible has X wrong, then it's all wrong. And if the Bible is all wrong, then there can be no morals, no law, and anarchy and barbarism and evil will result.

This brings us back to ID. ID is an attempt by creationists to dress up one of the two origin myths of Genesis in the clothing of science, in an attempt to salvage a literal interpretation of a few passages of the Bible. Creationism, ID's ancestor, was also presented as a science (this is another occurance where Christianity has taken characteristics of a culture - this time it is science, but previously it was the supernatural aspects of a culture it was assimilating into its own power structure; for example, the Catholic Church turned the deities of certain native Mexican peoples into saints). However, Creationism was obviously a religious notion, and, as such, could not be taught in schools as an alternative theory to evolution.

And so Creationists took Genesis and God out of Creationism to create Intelligent Design. But it still uses mystery and supernatural in order to defend a narrow religious interpretation of the Bible. One of Nacho's commentors uses the example of bacterial flagellum as proof that evolution cannot have produced it; therefore, lacking a natural explanation, only a supernatural process could have created it. This is a common tactic by ID proponents, but a very ancient one. The strategy of defending Biblical creation from the contrary fact of evolution involves repeatedly focusing on those aspects of nature which have not yet been explained by science. In typical binary thinking, if evolution cannot be the answer, only a Creator God can be.

To give credit to ID, this is a far more palatable strategy than was used on Galileo when he showed that Earth was not the center of the universe.

I must also point out that not all Christians (Muslims argue against Darwin, too) cling to creationism in order to protect their power and narrow views. And I think this is how it should be. What literalists take as gospel (pun intended) in the Bible is understood as metaphor for a more important underlying ethical and moral lesson. Indeed many of creationism's and ID's opponents are members of the Christian clergy.

So I feel compelled to add that I do not think religion is without purpose in our modern age. For many, religion provides not only comfort in trying times (there are no atheists in foxholes), but quite workable and admirable guidelines for living an ethical and moral life. We can see how Buddhism is changing into a force for social change and justice, as in Thich Nhat Hanh's Engaged Buddhism. We see it in the Christian-based activities of former president Jimmy Carter in his work on promoting peace between Muslims and Jews, as well as his support of Habitat for Humanity.

We are at a time when some of the better religious leaders and followers are looking at the traditions and beliefs of other religions and finding value and insight. There is a movement towards finding tenets in common, and building a better world for all through cooperation. But there are still those who greedily cling to their narrow worldview, and defend it at all costs. Disguising their weak faith in the cloth of science helps nobody. Actually, it does serve one good purpose; it serves as an example.

My Christmas Greeting

2005-12-25T06:48:00.000-05:00

May all beings have happiness and its causes.
May all beings be free from suffering and its causes.
May all beings not be separated from sorrowless bliss.
May all beings abide in equanimity free from bias, attachment and anger.

Also, on this Christmas Day, our thoughts are with our good friend Kusula, who lost her husband of many years, Vivasvat, to complications with leukemia. May you find solace in the hope and peace this holiday brings. It was near this time last year when we all learned of our good fortune that Ethan was on the way, and we celebrated the happy news with Kusula and Viva at their home in New Hampshire. This is my favorite memory of him.

Yahoo's Year in Review

2005-12-23T07:51:00.000-05:00

Yahoo has put together its 2005 Year in Review, with 58 pictures and thumbnail stories. It might be a bit much for folks on dial-up, but that's only a guess.

Happy Holidays vs. Merry Christmas: SOLVED!

2005-12-21T17:16:00.000-05:00

I was running errands earlier this week, and the radio stations I usually tune to in the car were playing Christmas songs. I don't care for them, so my alternative (beside the best one, which is silence) was talk radio. I could actually feel my forehead beginning to slope and my brow getting lower and lower on my head. That I didn't steer into a snow bank is a minor miracle.

It seems that conservative talk show hosts have their boxers in a twist because the "politically correct" folks, the insidious warpers of culture despite the fact that none of them get media coverage (and, I suspect, like me, nobody actually knows such a person) are using some sort of brainwashing to get people to say "Happy Holidays" rather than "Merry Christmas." The issue, I guess, has to do with the actual words, and not the practice behind them, as none of the talk show hosts are complaining about the fundamentalist Christian organizations who are trying to force businesses to decorate their stores using the phrase "Merry Christmas" whether they are Christian or not. These groups are organizing boycotts of businesses who use something other than Merry Christmas.

So, you see, it isn't wrong to try to force people to say certain things as long as the phrases approved by conservatives are the words being forced.

In any event, the radio programs went on and on about how 97% of Americans celebrate Christmas (I doubt it is that high) and so it is unfair that the remaining three percent are controlling (somehow) how people greet each other during the holidays.

I have devised a solution to the question of "What should I say to other people, especially strangers, during the holidays?" It is a pretty simple solution, requiring only a little thought on my part, which is why conservative talk radio hasn't come up with the solution on its own.

Here's the deal.

What do all the phrases such as "Merry Christmas," "Happy Holidays," "Happy Hanukkah," and so on have in common? Each of the phrases is the expression of wishing the recipient well, as practiced by various religions (and secular humanists). In many cases it is not possible to know the religion of, say, a stranger in line at the supermarket. You want to use an appropriate phrase, but "Happy Holidays" works for everyone; however, it doesn't express well wishing as well as a phrase from a particular belief system.

With that in mind, I propose that people use the phrase associated with their personal religion to everyone they meet. The recipient, understanding that the utterer is being kind, would then reply with the appropriate phrase from their tradition.

Does this make sense? The recipient should not be offended, thinking that the other person has no respect for the recipient's beliefs. They should just respond in their own way.

So, when a Christian says to a Buddhist, "Merry Christmas!" the Buddhist might respond by bowing, or with the term "Namaste."

There, is that so hard? Someone is saying something nice to you, and you are saying something nice back. We all then get to act like grownups; we still maintain the integrity of our beliefs; and talk radio hosts can untwist their boxers and get back to scaring their listeners with the latest conspiracy theory.

Music in my head: I'd rather not talk about it.

A Shout Surrounded By Silence

2005-12-19T07:01:00.000-05:00

Everyone says it: pain is not our natural state. Pain is present in life, and especially for the small self that wants so much to be a part of life. But that small self is not natural, either. The pain is a warning that we're moving closer to a central silence, where the small self has no relevance--and so no life. It's like magpies and their nests. The closer you come to the nest, the more the magpies scream. They're trying to distract you, and yet they're simultaneously telling you you're right where you need to be to find the nest. Just don't get distracted.

-Soen Joon, One robe, one bowl.

More to come on this; I'm just sitting with it now.

Why a Buddhist Has A Christmas Tree

2005-12-18T08:40:00.000-05:00

Last year I made fun of Christmas practices. This year I got to thinking about why I have a Christmas tree.

The short answer is that Karen wants one. That is really sufficient reason for me. Ethan is too young to understand much about Christmas, but he does like the lights.

There was a time when all things Christian seemed threatening to me. I've since mellowed out some. I remember people like Joda Weston, the Baptist preacher in Premont, Texas, where I went to high school. He had a real Christian practice, and this year I've remembered some of the lessons he taught me, though I did not belong to his church.

For example, one of the better high school football players, Ritchie (I don't remember his real name), had been accepted to Southwest Texas State University (now Texas State) to play football. At the time SWTSU was the rival of Texas A&I (now Texas A&M University Kingsville), the school that was eventually my alma mater. Weston delivered the news to me one afternoon when he came to the gas station where I worked afternoons and Saturdays.

"That's too bad. Being a Javalina fan, I'm not a fan of Swit-sue," I told him.

"Well, I a Ritchie fan, so I'll root for him wherever he goes," he replied.

At the time, I was just disgusted. Looking back now, though, I see that there was a lesson to be learned (as I've said many times, I'm kinda slow), and that is to value the individual over his affiliations.

But I've digressed. Sort of.

So as I was in the process of lugging the tree into our house last week (it's our shortest one yet, but very full and is a Fraser fir, which is supposed to have better needle retention - but again, I digress), I got to thinking how having a tree wasn't exactly a good Dharma practice. Here was a living tree, cut down for the purpose of decoration and placement for material things, which was going to turn brown and die. It was a symbol of a religion to which I no longer belong.

As weird as this sounds, it reminded me of eating beef. In the case of both a fir and a cow, the purpose of bringing to life these two was to be killed and consumed (in some sense). Were it not for the final purpose, neither of these would have come into existence at all.

I also thought of Thich Nhat Hanh, who keeps an image of both the Buddha and Jesus on his altar. There is speculation among some scholars that Jesus, when he went into the desert, in actuality spent some time learning from Buddhist monks about the Dharma. I don't know if that is true, but it is an intriguing idea.

Both the Buddha and Jesus taught that we should be tolerant of and love others. Both taught practices we should do for ourselves. Both left a legacy that turned into a great religion.

There's very little in the acts and sayings of Jesus that are detrimental to society, depending on how you interpret his tirade against moneychangers in the temple. I think if he were alive today, he'd have trashed the Wal-Mart Christmas displays that began appearing in August and September, for much the same reason.

For our family, Christmas is mostly a secular holiday, which involves decorated trees, Christmas wish lists, colored paper-wrapped presents, Santa stuff (we have a little wooden Santa letter, written in a child's script, that says, "Dear Santa, I can explain"), colored lights inside and out. It involves full parking lots at the mall, eggnog, baked goods, and various devices that play Christmas songs. It involves Christmas cards, which Karen is sending to lots of people for the first time, with pictures of Ethan enclosed, him wearing his baby Christmas clothes.

But for me, in the midst of all that, I am still mindful that this is a holiday which celebrates the birth of Jesus (even though it didn't actually occur in December). For years it bothered me that Christmas was the biggest celebration in a religion that brought the Inquisition and the genocide of Native American peoples and cultures. Some Christians have carried out holy wars in the form of the Crusades, terrorism in Lebanon and the US, slavery and oppression of Blacks and other minorities, and now wage another war against homosexuals. Some now call for the execution of foreign leaders and family planning doctors, and try to force their beliefs into the school systems in the form of Creation Science and Intelligent Design and organized prayer.

What's sad is that, when confronted with these very non-Christian acts, fundamentalists reply, "But we've not killed nearly as many people as atheists have!" I suppose as long as there is some group out there more efficient at killing, fundamentalists will feel comfortable with their own numbers.

But as Joda Weston taught me, it's about individuals, not their affiliations. No doubt Jesus would be horrified at the things done in his name. I'm not going to let the actions of a subset of Christians mar my respect and admiration for Jesus, the individual, nor for those of his followers who practice what he preached.

So, I have a Christmas tree in my living room. There are presents wrapped and ready to be placed under it. And, when Ethan gets older, he'll learn about Santa Claus and the material goodies he brings. But he will also learn about Jesus, "The reason for the season," and what he taught about how we should live.

Gary Trudeau and Creationism

2005-12-18T08:31:00.000-05:00

This Sunday's strip.

Time to Get a Little Political

2005-12-15T08:14:00.000-05:00

Y'all know I don't like to talk about politics. My condition has helped rid me some of the cynicism that politics, and particularly so-called "conservative" politics, generates in intelligent debate.

But we are at a time where we, as a nation, are too far down the road of fearsome, knee-jerk reactionism. We are repeating governmental acts of fear (let's call it what it is - terror) that we committed sixty years ago when we were at war. These acts, as we look back at them now, we almost universally agree were misguided and a dark stain on the history of freedom in our country.

I remember a time, not long ago, when being conservative meant you were opposed to the intrusion of government into the private lives of citizens. That belief has been abandoned in conservative agendas (though not, I believe, in true conservative idealogy). I don't know why this has happened. Perhaps because the attacks on 9/11 occurred when conservative politicians ran the government, and they are now trying to correct their mistakes. Perhaps we are seeing what happens when one party controls too much of the power in our country, i.e. power corrupts. Perhaps it is because our president, rather than face combat in Vietnam, joined the National Guard (when he bothered to show up), and therefore does not understand the sacrifices made by our military to protect the freedoms being chiseled away by his administration. Or maybe the actions of al Qaeda are having their desired effect. I don't why why this is happening, but it is.

Today you have the opportunity to do something about it (if you are a US citizen, anyway). If you had the chance to contribute to a bipartisan effort to curtail the Patriot Act, would you do it? Especially if it only took you a minute or so? You can do just that, by signing this petition being created by the MoveOn.org organization.

Now yes, yes, I know MoveOn.org is a "liberal" political organization, believing in such un-American liberal values such as balanced budgets, ending corruption and abuses of power, limiting the intrusion of the government in private lives, and the free practice of religion. But signing their petition, and adding an optional few of your own words, will not send you whizzing off into left field with the Jane Fonda Fan Club and the ACLU. It's the message, not the messenger, that is important.

Music in my head: The Overture to Mozart's Cosi fan tutte.

Be a Part of Globally Created Art

2005-12-12T10:24:00.000-05:00

Check out Swarm Sketch. You can even watch previously created pieces being drawn.

Finally

2005-12-05T16:12:00.000-05:00

It took a couple of days, but I think I've got most things back in order. Mail address books, mail folders, and favorite links have been re-established. Again, this is not the fault of Microsoft, it's because Netscape does some strange moving around of files when you upgrade your OS.

I have to admit it, Windows XP has made the system run a lot faster and has made it more stable than it was. As much as it pains me, I have to give them their props.

Don't know if all my programs still work, but the ones I mostly use seem to be OK. As an unintended benefit, old hardware that I don't use anymore is no longer part of the system profile.

Still, those iMacs are looking better and better all the time.

What a Nightmare

2005-12-03T22:32:00.000-05:00

At least Microsoft was kind enough to give me an omen; the update program to XP crashed within seconds of starting.

It's been a real mess. And, to show that it isn't just Microsoft who is sadistic, under XP my Netscape profiles are gone. Oh, they are still on the disk, but Netscape doesn't recognize it. Netscape Help indicates that there is a way to restore your profiles after an OS upgrade, but the first step must be made before the upgrade. Of course, you never look for instructions on how to do this until after you've made the OS upgrade and your mail files are missing.

And then there's the little problem with the mouse driver. There are no included mouse drivers for my mouse (a six button wheel mouse from IBM). IBM doesn't have the drivers or support, they give that to another company, which, of course, doesn't have them either. A quick Google for the drivers turned up a number of sites with them, however they all have Javascript errors or PHP errors. All, that is, except the site that wants $4.95 before you can have the driver. So, frustrated, I paid the ransom, and now my mouse works.

It's gonna take awhile to get this all straightened out. Norton Antivirus doesn't work anymore. I'm not sure what else doesn't work. The all-in-one printer had to be reinstalled, and that works (thank goodness).

About to Take the Plunge

2005-12-02T08:36:00.000-05:00

My computer is getting a bit wonky; all sorts of strange things keep happening. Programs die mysteriously; keyboard keys get remapped (right now the TAB key doesn't TAB and it's driving me nuts!). Most of this started when I upgraded my SETI@Home screen saver to the new BOINC program, so I've removed it.

But Staples has the Windows XP upgrade on sale, so I guess I will take the plunge and upgrade from Windows ME.

I've been lusting for an iMac. Actually, the strongest lust is for a dual processor Power Mac, but that is much more power (and cost) than I really need.

So, if I disappear for a long period of time, it's because I've fallen on my operating system sword.

The Panda's Thumb

2005-11-29T16:42:00.000-05:00

From the description of the weblog The Panda's Thumb:

The Panda's Thumb is the virtual pub of the University of Ediacara. The patrons gather to discuss evolutionary theory, critique the claims of the antievolution movement, defend the integrity of both science and science education, and share good conversation.

Lot's of good stuff there, check 'em out!

Classic Feynman

2005-11-29T15:22:00.000-05:00

My copy of the new book Classic Feynman, by the late Nobel Prize winning physicist Richard Feynman and edited by Ralph Leighton arrived today from Powell's. It includes an audio CD of one of the interviews with Feynman by the editor, as well as a forward by Freeman Dyson (inventor of the Dyson sphere, for you Star Trek fans) and an epilogue by Alan Alda.

Some of the interviews for the book can be downloaded for free from the editor's web site. Check them out here.

Music in my head: I've still got Shawn Colvin bouncing around my skull.

Flying Spaghetti Monster

2005-11-28T08:45:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I haven't heard of this before. There's an alternative Intelligent Design theory, that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Did you know global warming has been linked to the decrease in the number of pirates? Check them out.

A Kat and a Hat

2005-11-26T08:38:00.000-05:00

We had a wonderful visitor for Thanksgiving. Actually, we had seven wonderful visitors, as this year the Shearers hosted Thanksgiving. After decades of hosting meals, there was ample evidence that new Pappa Robert still can't efficiently estimate the amount of food needed to feed a dining room full of celebrants.

Because the turkeys available at our village market (free range organic turkeys - yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I have granola breath) were smaller this year, I got two, which was one and a fraction too many. Lots of leftovers were sent home with the celebrants.

It wasn't just me; my in-laws turned half the entire Maine crop of spuds into a giant vat of mashed potatoes which threatened to disturb the angular momentum of the planet.

There were many pies, and two kinds of stuffing.

My twin nieces were a joy. They now have different length hair, so it's easier to tell them apart. My memory aid was that Maggie has the longer hair, and her name starts with an 'M' which is later in the alphabet than Emily's 'E'. Other than the small meltdown while we attempted to photograph the grandparents with all three grandchildren (even Ethan got cranky), they were fun and smiling and happy.

Having Kat with us was like adding a member of the family. It seemed to me that she and Karen took to each other quite well. We both wish she lived closer so that we could see her more often. We had great conversations which went late into the night. Karen commented that it was like having a sleep-over. It seemed as if there was no shortage of things to talk about, though the biggest subjects were Ethan and Kat's classes. We made promises to each other to speak up if anyone got bored with these subjects. We never did.

Kat even knitted a great, warm cap which looks great on him (picture to follow).

For all you single guys out there who aren't complete dips, you should know that Kat knows how to start a fire, wield a chainsaw, split wood, and is learning how to cook. She's also drop-dead gorgeous. One day she's going to make some fellow a very, very happy man. But right now she's on a college degree quest, which she is performing quite well, so you may have to play second fiddle for awhile.

On other news, yesterday was a fun football day, even though I missed the second half of the Texas-Texas A&M game to take a sick friend to the doctor. Karen was kind enough to let me have the living room, for surround sound fun.

Ethan hasn't wanted Daddy much the last couple of days. He's been making hungry sounds when I hold him, which gets him passed to Momma, but then he just calms down in Karen's arms or laying in her lap. This happens sometimes, but I do get my share of Ethan time, so I don't get too unhappy about it. He almost always smiles when he first sees me, so I think it isn't so much dissatisfaction with me so much as it is preference for his Mom.

It's the holiday season, folks. I hope these days are a wonderful end to your year.

Music in my head: , lots of Shawn Colvin.

Gratitude

2005-11-19T09:11:00.000-05:00

My in-laws game me a button the day Ethan was born. It said "Proud Father."

Intellectually, I understand why a man would feel pride over what he helped bring into the world. If the measure of a man is how many children he's fathered, well, then, the first child gets him on the scoreboard, so to speak.

If I feel any pride, it's towards Karen, who did so well with the pregnancy and actual birth. It's also towards Ethan, who has done so well so far. It's hard to imagine this sweet little boy growing up to be an evil person.

(On a side note, it is almost incomprehensible to me how a person could mistreat a baby. It happens, though.)

But pride is not the biggest emotion. On the top is love. It's amazing how much love I feel for this growing (yeesh - is he growing!) little man. Just when I feel about to burst with love, he learns how to smile. On top of that, once his eyes focus on me, he smiles, because his Daddy makes him smile. I get butterflies tied up in a knot in the middle of my chest every time that happens.

But after love, and running a very close second, is gratitude. I seem to recall somewhere that in some schools of Buddhism, a child chooses his parents. Maybe that's not Buddhism, y'all help me out here. Understand that I have a bit of skepticism surrounding reincarnation, at least in it's traditional definition. Nevertheless, I get this strong feeling that Ethan chose us. Karen has it too. Both my mom and my sister think he is an old soul. Maybe he is. But whether it is choice by some bright energy ball somewhere on The Other Side, or the result of DNA working within the bounds of some sort of organic strange attractor, I feel gratitude that he is here with us.

I'll have to stop right here. I feel this overwhelming urge to go hug my son.

Music in my head: Tenderness on the Block, Shawn Colvin.

What I Want For My Birthday: World Peace

2005-11-12T08:48:00.000-05:00

On Monday I turn 43. Which also means I start my 44th year.

A lot has happened while I was 42. You may remember that 42 is the Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything.

With such a big year coming to a close, it seems fitting to start my next year with something Really Big. And you (yes you) can make it happen, and I'm about to tell you how. Please read the entire next paragraph before you begin.

As you sit in front of your computer, I want you to close your eyes and take two breaths (if you are feeling extravagant, make it five breaths). As you slowly take in these breaths, I want you to feel the air as it comes into your nose and goes down your throat and fills up your lungs. Relax your entire body as you do this; unclench your jaw, relax your shoulders, uncurl your toes. Once you have filled your lungs, let it all out, and let the tension in your body go out with the exhalation.

Ready? OK, go ahead.

Believe it or not, you have just made a contribution towards world peace. Remember this when you are stuck in line at the bank or the grocery store, or in a traffic jam or the waiting room of a doctor or dentist.

However, for right now, you've just given me what I want for my birthday. Thank you!

Music in my head: Monopoly, Shawn Colvin

Friday Evening

2005-11-04T19:00:00.000-05:00

It's Friday evening and I have nothing to say. Just thought I'd let you know. Please don't take it personally.

Odds and Ends

2005-10-30T19:28:00.000-05:00

Haven't posted in awhile, but it was an interesting week. Some highlights:

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On Saturday (yesterday) I received training and First Degree status in Reiki. Now I have the power to ease the suffering of most invertebrates, guppies, small birds, and a handful of rodents.

OK, OK, there's more to it than that. The hardest part of the training was to put my reductionist, scientific brain parts to rest, and just receive uncritically talk about chakras, crystals, energy, and mantras and just accept on face value what was taught. In the afternoon, after receiving the first three (of four) attunements, there was a practice session where the students (both of us) worked on each other. The other student was a woman. Some of the chakras are located in places on the body not normally touched by a stranger (or even close friends, for that matter). Thankfully there are ways to deal with this without making a session into a grope festival.

Does it work? So far, I can't say that it doesn't, but I can't say that it does, either. Today while Ethan was crying, upset that he was getting a diaper change rather than a meal, I did a hands-on over his tummy and he quit crying and calmed down. Now that my reductionist, scientific brain parts are back on the job, I consider that instance anecdotal.

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Tomorrow I will be going to my first acupuncture treatment. It turns out that my insurance does cover this treatment, and there are in-network providers. Unfortunately, the practicioner I have chosen is also a chiropractor, and I'm afraid he or she (there are two of them there) might be one of those chiropractors that claims to be able to cure everything by twisting your spine. They are like drug dealers, and once you get hooked, you go again and again and never get cured. There are sound, physiological reasons why you don't get cured I won't go into.

I went to one of the "good" chiropractors for my migraines, at the insistence of Karen, and by the second or third treatment my back hurt so much I had trouble standing straight. And this fellow was one of the good ones who stop working on you if you don't improve in a reasonable amount of time. So, you can imagine my suspicions about chiropractors.

Unfortunately, insurance only cover acupuncturists who work in conjunction with a chiropractor or an M.D.

Damn. I've got some good recomendations for practicioners, and none of them are in the network, or even qualify for out-of-network coverage.

Oh, by the way, did I mention that I have problems with needles?

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NaNoWriMo starts Tuesday. I have a few characters and a few story ideas, but that's about it. From reading Chris Baty's No Plot? No Problem!, that may be all I need.

That gives me tomorrow to clean up the computer area, and discover if my laptop batteries are still good. Writing this post, I've discovered that my dictionary is missing (I have two copies, and can't find either of them). (I had to turn to the big Merriam Webster's to figure out how to spell invertebrate.) There's a group of Vermont writers getting together Tuesday night, and I'm hoping I'll be able to join them. As I said in the forum, if it's as uplifting to write in a group as it is to meditate, I don't want to miss it.

Last year I entered the "contest," but wrote nary a word, as I was at Dartmouth-Hitchcock undergoing a fruitless DHE protocol. That was followed by a painful withdrawal process (from pain meds, not the DHE). So, better than half the month was shot. This year seems more promising.

For those interested, I plan to post my work periodically and will provide links here on the blog.

If any of my readers are also NaNoWriMo participants and want to set up a virtual support group via Yahoo Messenger, drop me a note (e-mail is at the bottom of the blog page).

I don't know if this is an omen or not, but as O've been wrotong thos pist O've been wrotong O's when O wanted ti wrote I's, and voce-versa.

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It must be the changing of the time, getting off Daylight Savings Time, but this has been the longest, headacheist day of the year, and I've got those Imitrex numb fingers and weird nostril tingling side effects. Ick.

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I'm not sure if it was a remnant of one of the hurricanes, but we had snow last week, the first of the season. That means it was a wet, heavy snow, a few inches of it and it hasn't yet all melted. The foliage on the trees was still pretty much hanging around, which means that the snow stuck to leaves. This led to a build-up of snow that bent, and broke, tree limbs. Right now the back yard has huge limbs, and a few entire trees, down on the ground, including a couple that fell onto the back deck. There was one oak limb which fell across the driveway, that was just barely moveable by one person (me).

In fact, the yard, and probably the woods, look like a hurricane hit.

This all means I need to get a new chain for the Husqvarna and make some kindling and firewood.

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Is it just me? Or does the Internet seem a bit sluggish tonight?

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No music in my head this evening. Probably just as well.

Connections

2005-10-17T03:50:00.000-04:00

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

What a switch: it's 3 AM and I'm awake and Karen and Ethan are asleep. Somehow I've managed to sleep through his night fussiness. I don't know if there's a connection, but if by being awake Karen gets a good night's sleep, then I don't mind at all.

Karen has done most of the care-giving, as I'm not equipped to feed him, and gosh, he does like to eat. I don't know what he weighs now, but he was only in the "1" diapers for about a week, and now they are too small.

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it,
And look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing
And what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

Last week I ended my membership to the Zen Center. It was a hard decision. I never felt all that comfortable there. I'm sure the path to enlightenment is no walk in the park, so I couldn't tell if my discomfort was the path or the center. I finally let practicality take over; if I'm not going to sittings and sesshin and the like, then I'm not using the membership, regardless of how I feel about it.

Being in the presence of Sensei was really something sometimes, a feeling that she was someone who really "gets" it. I remember my first private instruction; entering the room, Sensei was arrayed on her zafu and I was momentarily breathless.

But I don't think belonging was a waste of time, either. The biggest lesson I learned was the difference between belief and practice. I think most Americans have beliefs, in God or Jesus or Allah and the like, but don't have a practice. Religion is something we do on Sunday mornings, in our best Sunday clothes. We think we are moral people because we have those beliefs. But as this guy pointed out once, we shouldn't believe everything we think.

All of us under its spell,
We know that it's probably magic...

I know my formal practice is poor. This is part of the reason I joined in the first place. Now, I have a son, and I want him to have a practice, too. But I didn't really connect with people over there. It wasn't that people were unfriendly, far from it. But there was an air of "qualifying", of proving you belonged. Enlightenment is serious business, and if you weren't taking it seriously, then, well, nice to see you and all, but we're on a path and you need to get on it or get out of the way.

I understand this. It's like the old joke: How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but the bulb has to really want to change. They are on a path that has worked for many, many people over hundreds of years. It's how Things Are Done. You have to prove not only that you want the end result of the path, but that you are willing to walk it in a certain way.

And I guess I'm not.

Have you been half asleep? And have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
It's something that I'm s'posed to be...
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

Perhaps enlightenment is not for me this time around. I love life and living too much, which may sound like an odd thing, coming from a person in constant pain. Death is this conceptual thing, something I'm not quite completely convinced won't be circumvented by some sort of technology before my run of days are over. It's that little bit of my youth left that thinks I will never die.

And then there's the whole reincarnation idea. If it's true, I get to ride this ferris wheel again. The whole purpose of gaining enlightenment is to get off that wheel.

There's something to be said about getting off. Life is suffering, the Buddha taught, and attachments (like to life) just increase the suffering. Looking around, it isn't hard to find someone who is suffering in some way or another. My informal practice is to ease suffering as much as I can while I'm here. So often it is ridiculously easy to do, and I often wonder why more people don't do it.

But I think I know why; we have beliefs, not practices.

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

Rainbow Connection was written by Kenny Ascher and Paul Williams (whatever happened to Paul Williams, anyway?).