Karen is now in that +/- 2 week window around her due date. As I stated earlier, Those In The Know think she will go early, even possibly this week.
Let me state for the record that Karen is going to yoga class right up to the time of giving birth. Now that's
what I call dedication.
The home improvements are almost finished. I have to say, in all humility, that it looks great, and I'm glad we did it (actually, my father-in-law did most of the work, and friends helped out quite a bit, too). Our stuff has been moved back into the living room, where yesterday Karen spent a happy day sorting through stuff. She even managed to put a few things on shelves.
I've been wracked with head pain for over two weeks now, and, as slow as I am, have been wondering if this is due to the impending birth of our son. If so, it's buried deep in my mind. When I think about it, I just get excited at the prospect of being a father, and meeting this little one we have been getting to know.
If I try to question myself as to what I'm worried about, the thought comes that something will go wrong, and I'll lose son or wife or both. Neither prospect seems very real, but that is my rational mind talking. Even the irrational right side of my brain doesn't expect calamity, but I think it doesn't have anything else to do, so it worries.
For some time now I've been in a holding pattern, just waiting for the baby to be born. The lazy part of me loves this; it has a built-in excuse for not doing anything. "Oh, don't start that
, the baby's coming and you won't get it finished." And maybe therein lies the uncomfortable feelings: those things I need to do will need to be done. Of course there are always choices, but now some choices have impact beyond myself. They will influence this little person in ways I can't control.
I know that, if there are characteristics that I want my son to have, the best way to impart such traits are to display them in myself. So, I'd best start cultivating those traits.
Perhaps there lies the nature of my recent bout of pain. For the most part, I haven't had to do
much. "Oh, I've got too much pain today, I'd better rest." Though the option to rest won't go away entirely, the fact is it won't be a reliable option.
The stage is set, and though I don't know all my lines, my role is mostly an ad lib part. Though the audience isn't large, they are paying a lot for my performance. It's time to put theory and allegory to work.
At the risk of creating a cliche, I've been forgetting my Beginner's Mind, that part of me that sees everything as new and fresh. Though I'm no expert, I have been concentrating (as much as the back of my mind concentrates) on just a few possibilities, and dreary ones at that. I've been stuck in Not Doing, which is just as bad as being mindlessly driven to Do.
Hey, thanks for listening. I feel better now!From Suzuki Roshi
, When you listen to the teaching with pure, clear mind, you can accept it as if you were hearing something you already knew.